What I Believe About Art

I have a strong desire for art. I enjoy drawing. I enjoy looking at paintings and sculptures. Sometimes, when my mind wanders and I dream about my future life and occupation, I can’t help but dream about being an artist. I become fascinated with the idea of having a studio and painting my living room walls and selling my work for hundreds of dollars. I could teach other people in my studio or in a different building or at a school. I love art, but sometimes I am disappointed that my skill in art is not as grand as my desire.

In my opinion, art is a concept of expression. If you can’t use words, use pictures. Even without the skill, you can pick up a pencil or a paint brush and draw, sketch, doodle, scratch, paint all sorts of things, such as scenery, people, animals, plants, and objects as simple as a box or a star. When you’re bored, do you doodle in the margin of your notebook? I had a terrible habit of doing that, and I once forced myself to not draw on my notes because it looked unprofessional. Some people, for example: my mom, do not like graffiti. I honestly admire graffiti. Okay, not the profane and utterly stupid one-liners you see in the bathroom, but like, the graffiti that actual artists take time in doing on the walls near the side of the road. When I visited the states, like in LA or Boston, I thought the graffiti was spectacular. Being young, I didn’t know what they meant or what the pictures represented, but I was fascinated every time we drove around the cities. When I was reading the Freedom Writers Diary, there was one freedom writer that wrote about his passion for vandalizing the walls on buildings and desks in school. He’d rather draw than study any day. He knew his passion, and he chose doing it over books.

Honestly, I could stare at a painting for a very long time. I would have my glasses or contacts on, sit down or even stand in front of the painting, and run my eyes over the artist’s use of detail. So much time had been set into this piece, and I can’t help but stand back in awe and respect for merely a fraction of the amount of time that the artist worked on it. I respect people who can draw well. I even envy those who do. Even if they deem themselves amateurs, they are much better than I am. An artist knows what he is doing; he I capable of creating the picture in his head and will his hands and wrists to copy the image in his mind.

I believe that art doesn’t have to be on a piece of paper. There is art in nature. Have you ever been so wonderstruck when you walk through a forest, view a sunset, look down from the top of a mountain, or simply glimpse outside your window? Nature is art. I honestly believe that people are a masterpiece themselves. Every piece of art needs an artist, right? 

My Meaning of Life

I will be honest with you, dear reader.  I do not have a non-religious view of life. I repeat: non-religious. I am a Christian. As a result, my definition of life has something to do with God. Or a lot to do with God actually. Now, another truthful statement I will admit; I am not a “strong” Christian. What I mean is that I don’t necessarily read the Bible. I do not go to church ever Wednesday and Sunday. I did not do Holy Communion. I do not go to my respectable pastor and ask to be repented. I guess you could say I am a weak Christian. I pray though. I pray (almost) every day.  I try to pray for everyone I know; that is the best type of prayer I believe. I know God is real and I try ever so hard to consider him in all that I do. But sometimes I am as filthy and guilty as any other sinner in this world. I speak profanity and think of unrighteous thoughts. The reason I had just admitted my weak spiritual status is that my “religious definition” of life is not that strong either. My definition is simple. My definition is weak. My youth and inexperience with life itself will result in a weak and simple definition anyways. But I am glad I am doing this blog so I can get started on a foundation for my definition of life. When I am older, either my brother’s age or Mr. Tessen’s age, I will have a better definition of life. My definition could change also. I do not know yet.

I believe the reason we are put on this earth to live is to please God. Following that will would allow you to go to heaven to live “happily ever after.” You see, God loves me. And you. Your family. My family. Your ancestors. My ancestors. All of the Americas and Europe and Asia and etcetera.  He really loves you. I know He does. He loves you for your sins and embarrassing moments and for your accomplishments and good deeds. He will love you more than your soul mate and marriage partner. He literally loves you for who you really are. He knew you before you were born, conceived, or even thought of. Isn’t that different? I mean, once you’ve realized that He loves you, then you’d want to please Him in whatever you do. To me, I think of it like pleasing your mom or your dad. (For me, it’s my mom since she’s only parent I really have at the moment.) You love your parents. Do you want to disappoint someone that loves you as much as you love them? Of course not! The only thing you’d feel for the whole day would be pure guilt. You would want to make your parents happy, and you want to be able to have a bond of constant trust, care, and love. You see, once you learn that the “Man Upstairs” undescribably loves you and will welcome you into His mansion with open arms amazes me nonetheless. All you have to say is that you believe in Him.

So like, once you please God, you live a righteous life. A righteous, sinless, and honestly perfect life. One without sorrow or regret. You would be loved even if you did sin, because God has already forgiven you for your past and future sins. You would be taken care of; God will provide anything for you during harsh times. You will have someone to talk to when you are alone. You have someone to protect you from things that you cannot physically control. Also, you have a place to live after you are dead. Like I said, a mansion. You are set for eternity. Isn’t that great???

But being a Christian isn’t easy, just as living life isn’t easy either. There are people who would not like you being a Christian. There would be persecutions and terrible comments thrown at you. There would be events in your life that would cause you to disobey God. You will go through times of pain and frustration. Sometimes God won’t give you the things you pray for. It’ll seem like He isn’t taking care of you; it’ll seem that he would be ignoring you. But there are reasons for anything. There are things that will happen that you will dread to experience, but it is a part of God’s Plan for you. He wants you to grow up. God does not want to baby you, like your parents would not want you to be reliant on them when you’re 30. God wants you to be mature and not think of only yourself. And while you’re doing that, He doesn’t want you to get hurt along the way.

Like I said in the first paragraph, I will think of a better definition of life. I will enhance this one or rewrite a completely different meaning. If you do not agree with what I have just explained, I understand. It took many school years for me to understand Jesus and His Father and His ways. You, reader, will have a different perspective, and I am open to learning about it. 

What I Believe About Justice

When I think of the word justice, I think of the word “fairness.” I imagine a court. I imagine the judge in his black robe and the defendant shaking at his knees and his conscience waiting to be tried by the jury. But pull open a dictionary and consider it yourself about how justice really works and the simple definition of justice is whether your action or ideology is right or wrong. Is it right to hit someone who’d hit you first? Some would agree because you have the right to hit him back. Some would disagree because you shouldn’t hit people in the first place. Is it right to kill someone? No? But the person you killed had killed your sister. Is it right? Is it right to hurt someone you had hurt you back? Is it wrong to be a pacifist? Is it right to be a vegan? Was Diogenes right for practicing cynicism? Is it right that I follow Christianity? Is it right for me to convert to Islam? Is it right to kill people in the name of God? Is it wrong to pray before I eat? Is it wrong if I use two different colored shoelaces for my shoes and mismatching socks for my feet?

There are obviously many more questions than what I had offered that have been asked and have been left unanswered. Questions that had been thrown out there and later swept away by the wind and flutters aimlessly in the air, occasionally touching a person and occasionally bothering someone as well.  It will be impossible to correctly answer those questions because you will receive 7 billion answers in return. There are about 7 billion minds generating on this earth; imagine those minds working day and night, creating thoughts, ideas, conversations, and dreams. Those 7 billion minds are directed by even millions of different ideologies and cultures that believe in what is truly right and what is absolutely wrong.

 There are different cultures that teach you how to dress and how to behave. What I – a mixed race islander of the Pacific– would believe to be right would be completely absurd to what a Republican American citizen would believe to be right also. My mother easily disagrees to what I believe is right in my opinion of fashion. I will be glad to openly disagree to what a rude, ignorant atheist would have to say about God. The coordination of my fingers typing out this blog would be wrong in the eyes of a professional typist. So why are our ways of thinking different?

Believing in different religions and following different life guidelines can greatly affect one’s justice. If I would say that justice was what you make of it, that your only own rules were right, then how would people agree to a criminal’s sentence during a trial? How would laws be made? I can imagine the elders of an old tribe meeting together at a sacred hut or building. They spit and argue behind their long beards about the rules they plan to follow and post up for their tribe. And those laws that were made in that old sacred building is the same laws that rule a country centuries later. I believe there is a lot of background in the justice we administer today. America’s republic is based on ancient Rome’s republic. Many countries follow the democracy that the Greeks used.

Justice is not what you make it. Justice is the rules and guidelines that direct your life. I have ten precepts on this blog that are my “justice” principles.  Freedom of speech. Freedom of religion. Freedom to bear arms. The Declaration of Independence. Etcetera etcetera. I have my personal justice, and you yourself would have personal principles yourself. Your conscience has justice. You know what is right and what is wrong right?

What I Believe About Truth

I believe that the truth is irreplaceable and the strongest weapon a person can wield. I believe that the truth can truly damage and heal a person in one blow. Bend and distort the truth and you have a broken relationship or a ruined future. Completely lie about the truth and you are brandished a sinful, dirty liar. The truth is sacred, yet I am as foolish as any other human to let truth slip out of my grasp and hurt me in return. Some people are afraid of the truth, so they hide it. Or they hide from it. I hide like anyone else. I mean, have you ever been hurt by the truth? Have you ever been scared of telling the truth? Have you ever feared the truth? I know for sure that I have. I am now.

I have always been bothered by the act of parents keeping secrets from their children in order to keep them innocent or to keep them from ruining their lifestyle. A complex secret that the child would not understand or a secret that could ruin his childhood forever. I have always wondered what the right thing to do in the situation was. I understand that a good parent would never let harm into a child’s life and, heaven forbid, into his mind. The truth hurts, and a parents will never want to see his child hurt by something he cannot control. But when the time comes, when the child has grown and has a life and mind of his own, and the parent tells the child the secret, the child can erase the fact that he had been lied against and betrayed the majority of his life. But it was the parent’s intention to protect his child from the truth. What should a good parent do? Ruin his son young or ruin him old?

One example I can think of at the moment is the moment in Kite Runner when Rahim Khan tells Amir that Hassan was his brother. (Forgive me for the spoiler.) First of all, what a plot twist! I believe Rahim agha stole the show; he said everything a reader could devastatingly imagine. Secondly, the fact that Hassan was Amir’s biological brother was overwhelming to Hassan – and to the reader. To imagine, after all those years of happiness, childish games, reading under the pomegranate tree, and after watching Hassan being terribly abused by Assef – stupid, bloody Assef – Amir never thought of his servant being his half-brother. Those moments could have been different if Amir knew that Hassan was his brother. The moments would be nicer. I mean, that is how I perceive it. How the truth affects him takes a sorrowful toll on the reader as well.

When I was in Calvary and taught about the commandments, I believe it was the ninth commandment that states that one should never bear false witness – and in lament’s terms, you should not lie. You can hide the truth with so many lies that the truth is hidden even for forever until someone pulls truth out behind its costume. Lying hurts. I have lied. Too many times that I shouldn’t. I am definitely not the best Christian example to follow. You can say I am one of those that run away from the truth one too many times. But I believe that the truth can get back at you ever so easily. 

I’ve been told that the truth hurts. I know that the truth hurts. I’ve had the truth step in front of me and slap me right across the face. I have let the truth spill from my lips and poison other people unintentionally. However, it depends on what you do with the truth. How you react to the truth is how mature you really are.  I remember reading a quote comparing truth to a lion. Lemme find a picture for you. I believe it to be true though. The truth won’t need you to pull it out behind the lies that his friends have disguised it as. The truth can take of itself.

Connecting with Others

It is 2013, and there are thousands of ways you can electronically communicate with people in your area or with people around the world. There are smart phones and tablets that enables you to connect to the internet; there are computers equipped with microphones and cameras for you to connect to actually see and hear and talk to the person on the other side of the world and; there are online chat rooms that can title you as anonymous or as your chosen username and allow you to talk to complete strangers (something mom always told us not to do); there are websites that allow you to post your ideas and thoughts and pictures and videos. I have used these sites. I have explored the web. Well, I haven’t entirely scoped the vastness of the World Wide Web. But I use it to voice myself. And journalism is one step to that.

The two social networking sites that I constantly check the second I turn on my computer are Twitter and Tumblr – mostly Tumblr. Yes, I do have a Facebook account, but I tend to stay away from that site; the nonsense I see there and the jealousy (yes, jealousy) that builds up in me annoys me greatly. I post pictures on Instagram; I blog and reblog various items on Tumblr; I vent my personal life in texts that must only be 140 characters long on Twitter. When I have an urge to post some of my creative writing, I post them on a site called Quotev; I have been recognized on there for my stories, but not by a lot of viewers. I do not post videos on Youtube, but I am an avid user. I tend to look for photos on Pinterest that would inspire me to draw. Now, I believe I just told you my cyber life, but not about how I connect with people. I’ll be honest; I don’t really talk to people online a lot. I’m the type that would rather be talked to first than start the conversation myself. The only people I talk to online on a daily basis are my two friends and my boyfriend. I am always on KIK with my boyfriend. Besides calling or seeing each other, I am always on KIK with my boyfriend. I rely a lot on online communication rather than the intimate communications. To my mom, that is bad.

Besides online communication, I am most comfortable with talking to people in person rather than on phone. It was during my summer job at my grandfather’s company where I had to manage the phone call orders that came in that I became more comfortable than usual with talking to people seriously on the phone. Being a fifteen year old and having to talk business with adults got me so scared at first – I was anxious of answering the phone as it began to ring – but after the following three days of work I became more confident with answering the phone calls. Speaking of phones, I’m very irresponsible with my own phone; I reply to text messages really late and tend to miss a lot of phone calls (but barely anyone calls me anyway; also, my phone is not a smart phone). My phone is just never really around me for me to check.

Nonetheless, I prefer talking to people face-to-face than anything else. I’d rather see my boyfriend in person than KIK him all evening. I’d rather be asked in person by my classmate about homework than on facebook. I’d rather talk to my grandparents at the dinner table in their cozy home in Boston than Skype them while I’m in Saipan. I’d rather talk to God in person than send him prayers that are not instantly replied to.

 Although I am terribly shy, I enjoy talking to people. I enjoy listening to what a person has to say. I enjoy watching the expressions on a person’s face and assuming their emotion by the tone of their voice. I'd rather listen to what people have to say than say what I have to say most of the time. I believe the advancement of technology is killing the intimate relationships we can have with other people. I wish I knew how to drive already so I can see the people I want to see. I wish I had money to buy a plane ticket to talk to the relatives I want to talk to. As for now I have the internet to help me with connecting with those I deem worthwhile to chat with. 

Living in one city or Constantly Travelling?

It is better to live in one city or town than to move from one place to another. Do you agree or disagree. Do you agree or disagree?

I have lived in one “city”/”town” since birth. I have never moved to a different house. I've been in the same village on Saipan all my life. I have never lived in a different home for a year, only for a few weeks. I do not know what it is like to continue moving from one place to another. I wish I did know. However, I would prefer (hence, I agree with) living in one town instead.

I believe I’m a homebody. I like staying in the comfort of my own home. It’s not like I don’t like going out and hanging out with people, playing volleyball or soccer with a couple of friends, swimming in the beach or at the water park, or visiting a library or the mall or something. I love doing those things. Perhaps if I was in a new area I would do all those things to get myself familiar with the place. But honestly, I like knowing that I could go to a home that is not going anywhere. A home that has its own definite position. Whether it be a closet of an apartment or a glorious mansion. I’d rather be in one home.

One time my mom suggested moving to Hawaii during my middle school years. One thing for sure, I was nervous about the idea. The last time I had been to Hawaii was when I was one year old. I also didn’t know anyone personally in Hawaii. I was afraid I wouldn’t make any friends; I was also afraid of losing the close friends I had already for years. My mom enjoyed the thought though; I could tell. But to my gladness, we didn’t move to Hawaii. My grandfather needed her here on Saipan to run the boating business, and my mom couldn’t abandon that. I always thought about what my life would’ve been like if we did pursue that move. Would I actually have friends? Would I be happier in Hawaii? How would my sister react to moving? Would my dad still be with us?

I guess you can say that I have a fear of moving to places I am not familiar with. I’d rather stay in the place I have been since birth. (Such a conservative perspective, right?) But there will come a time that I will leave Saipan. I will leave the two story home I have memorized so well. I will miss the island I have come to love. But I honestly believe that when you stay in a place for so long, you begin to become numb to the beauty that already surrounds you. You’ll want to move from where you have been for so long.

I prefer to stay in a town than rather travel constantly. I’d rather settle down completely rather than be indecisive about the roof that covers my head. Sadly there will be a time I will pack up my bags and move. To another place to settle down again.

List the 10 precepts (or quotes) that you live by

Since Day 1, my mom has raised me on certain strict rules that become my own personal laws that I have memorized and wish to teach and pass onto my kids as well. Thanks to the strictest school on this island, CCA had taught me to memorize the Ten Commandments by heart (kind of) and have taught me certain things to do and not do “if you want to be a mature lady.” The list would be terribly long if I took the time to sit back and think about how many times I was scolded not to do this or how to do what. But I do have ten precepts or mini laws that I keep in my heart, in my journal, etc. and hopefully for the rest of my life.

1. Don’t raise your voice. Improve your argument.”

I have only raised my voice against my mom twice. The first time was in the car about something I do not remember, perhaps something about my father having left, but it made me feel superior over her for once that she had nothing to say in return. The second time was when I was in the kitchen I think getting ice for a drink, and my mother continued bantering in such an annoying way that I couldn’t stop the anger that was rising in my stomach that I yelled at her to shut up. My Ate (pronounced AH teh), my house keeper since I was months old, snapped at me to not yell at her, and after that my shame swallowed me whole. I have forced myself to never yell again at an adult. The only person I consider an exception is my father. I’d rather talk things out with a person and voice “my argument” rather than raise my voice against an adult or someone I love or know and embarrass myself in the process.

2. “If you pray hard enough for something you want, like money or a Mustang, your prayer will come true.” – my history teacher in MBA

I believe in praying. I believe in praying when you have nothing else you could possibly do but pray for the goodness of God (or the gods, whatever) to shine on your situation. I believe in praying before bed. I believe for praying for giving thanks for good weather or good health. And when my history teacher said that, I believed him.  There’s a verse about that in the Bible: “ask and it shall be given.” I believe that what you really want is what you really want, and you work really hard and pray every single morning and night and Sunday, God will grant you your prayer.

3.  Do not cuss.

This is one precept I try ever so hard not to break, but I’ve noticed that I’m breaking it too much as I am surrounded by people who cuss more than necessary. I just do not like cussing. I find it unattractive when I do it. I do not care when someone cusses; I just want to whip myself whenever I utter a four-letter word. What’s even worse is when I don’t feel guilty after saying it. I do not like cussing, and I wish to never cuss. There are better words in the English language than the ones I accidentally use. 

4.  Make new friends.

I always want to make new friends. I always want to meet new people and learn who they are and what they want to be and what they have to offer to the world. Everyone has something to say, and I’d want to be that friend that would hear the out any time of the day.

5. Don’t do stupid things I would regret.

As simple as that. I do not like making a fool out of myself when I make a mistake or over exaggerate a situation, so I try to be as low key as possible sometimes as well.

6. “Do to others as you would have them do to you.” – Luke 6:31

My mom always paraphrased this verse when she lectured me about behaving around my fellow classmates. Or around people in general. It’s a verse that everyone knows really. It’s something an atheist would understand. So if my children become atheists, I’ll paraphrase this verse and their agnostic hearts won’t be offended.

7. "Words are used to express, not impress.” – my grandpa

The rhyme was what made it stick in my head the second I heard it from my grandpa when he told it to my cousin. My cousin was trying to impress Grandpa by using big words to describe his story. My grandpa simply stopped him and told him this quote and I silently agreed. I intend to not use words to impress people with my vocabulary, but to use my vocabulary to express my mind thoroughly. Also, my resolution is to improve my vocabulary, so I can have the knowledge and familiarity to use those impressive words.

8. Be friendly to other people. Regularly and spontaneously.

9. Read. 

I love reading. I want to read at least one book of each genre. I just love books

10. Keep God in my heart forever.

 I think I’ll be ridiculed for stating that, but one thing for sure is I don’t care one bit about being ridiculed. I’m proud for loving, worshipping, and praying to someone that no one can prove to exist. I was convinced by my elementary teachers and high school teachers that God and Jesus Christ and the Holy Spirit are potentially real. It’s not like they forced me to believe in Him. It was my choice. I chose to believe in such a religion. I had classmates who didn’t believe in God. I do not know this religion so well, even after studying it for a majority of my precollege life, but I plan to surround myself with those of Christian influence. I’ll continue to pray. I’ll still ravel at the sight of nature and how He created everything I see, touch, hear, feel, and taste in utmost perfection. I do believe He lives. I do believe in a Holy Spirit dwelling in me. Although I do not go to church every Sunday or read His Word every morning and night, I honestly should. I’m definitely not the best Christian. I do hope I will become one soon.