What Do I Want Written on My Tombstone?

I have honestly never thought about what should be written as my epitaph. I believe I lock the thought of death behind a tight door of other forbidden thoughts in my mind. It's not like I fear death. I do not fear death at all. I know where I'm going afterwards. It's just a certain thought I put side, such as college or the details of my wedding.

I researched epitaphs of famous people, and I was utterly amazed by the creativity of these deceased legends. This past summer vacation I visited my grandparents in Bedford, Massachusetts. Beautiful town. I do not remember what town it was that held the cemetery of certain authors. How I regret not begging them to turn into the cemetery parking lot to visit these graves to look at their epitaphs. My grandfather said people visit these graves and leave notes near their area to be read by the deceased author. 

(It was called Sleepy Hollow Cemetery! Ralph Waldo Emerson and Nathaniel Hawthorne were buried there. Blessed men.)

The following epitaphs are one of my favorites. I hope to think of ones that are insightful as theirs.

Called back. - Emily Dickinson (Hers made me smile. I enjoy simple ones. I respect her choice of words.)

Free at last! Free at last! Thank God Almighty I'm free at last! - Martin Luther King, Jr. 

She lived, travelled, blessed, [loved], adventured... and she wasn't sorry. - I give you full credit for this because I found your words on rebellesociety.com, Andrea Balt. 

The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man who lives fully is prepared to die at any time. - Mark Twain (this isn't his epitaph, which is also a last piece of his beauty, but a quote of his. I agree with his words.)

Some people don’t have tombstones. My mom’s real father has a headstone instead. He doesn’t have his last words or the motto of his life on an epitaph written underneath his date of birth and death. Instead, his name is known to almost every adult on this island. He lived a productive life. He was a philanthropist and respected businessman. His contribution to the island of Saipan is his epitaph. I want my epitaph to be simple though. I’m no life changer. It doesn’t have to be fancy either. I don’t want it to be a Bible verse. Something as simple and deep as “called back” will stop a passerby and make them nod his head or smile with sheer pity.

I do not want to copy Ms. Dickinson. However, I’m so intrigued by it. Perhaps I’ll think of something similar to the Samuel Clemens quote. One should not fear life but embrace it. I do hope that when I die, I could look in the eyes of Death and say I’m ready. He could hold my soul in his arms, and we’ll reminisce through my past together. I wonder if Death would cry or laugh at the sight of my past events.

I’ll think of one soon! Perhaps when I’m on my death bed or when I’m trying to sleep on my bed in my dorm room. I want to use my own words because it is my life and death.

Well.

Maybe I’d write: I lived my life. Now I’m going back. 

Television vs. Telephones

The television has a greater effect on people’s lives than the telephone has. Do you agree or disagree?

First of all, I honestly believe that both appliances are very useful tools to accommodate the average person in the 21^st century. Almost everyone has a television in their house or available on their phone! Almost everyone has a phone too. Whether it is an old flip phone or a touch screen smart phone, someone has a phone. And yes, I know not everyone has both. But you get what I’m saying right? These two are everywhere. Yet which one is more effective?

I honestly believe that the television is mainly an advertisement box. On this island, we don’t have 1000 tv channels like the programs in the United States, Japan, Korea, England, and so on. We don’t even have 100! And yet every channel is packed with commercials. At least five commercials proceed and precede a certain tv show. It drives me and my mom insane!

Besides the fact that it is chockfull of ads, the actual use of the television is not mentally and physically healthy. If you have watched tv for four hours straight, then you’ll know what I mean. You feel unpleasantly brain-dead. In AP English today we were just talking about watching tv and movies rather than reading books. Our teacher said that our mind does not think when we are watching tv. Our minds lack the productive imagination that we experience when we read a book since the picture is laid out in pixel form. Too much television and useless tv shows will rot your mind. I barely touch the remote to the tv on weekdays, sometimes even on weekends, because I’m busy with homework and the shows that are shown on this island are junk. Some shows are very informative though. I’ve noticed I enjoy watching educational shows because they are way more interesting. I prefer you watch that more. You’ll learn things in a fun way also.

When it comes to the telephone, however, I believe it is more effective in one’s social and educative life than the television. And by telephone, I mean the home telephone that is connected to the wall with a lot of wires. (Taking into consideration of smartphones, they are the items of the year. Everyone has them! They are pretty affective!) My mom stresses this to me every single day. And every single time I use my iPod in front of her. (I’m exaggerating; my mom is nice.) She tells me that iMessage and KIK is incomparable to talking to someone on the phone. Hearing that person’s laugh is much better than seeing an LOL. I honestly and guiltily agree with her. I just like messaging instead. I am shamefully lazy and shy to call people.

What is the one weapon that will help you win the war?

Take a minute to think about it.

No, not a machine gun. Not napalm. Not a nuke. Not a knife. What else can you think of?

It’s communication. Without knowing the orders your colonel says, there is no way you can fight. Knowing one’s location is significant in the battlefield because you need to know who you’re shooting. Communication and coordination with your fellow soldiers and lieutenants is the key to a win. 

I’d rather have a telephone in my own house than cable. I can watch tv shows on YouTube or Hulu. Yet tv is good too! Just don’t abuse it!

Definition of Success

Success is achievement. As simple as that. It is crossing that finish line after a 26.2 mile marathon. It is cooking a 11 course meal and seeing your family's eyes widen due to the joy of eating your delicious meal. It is studying three hours straight last night and an extra thirty minutes before that horrible two hours of testing and passing that finals exam with an A+. Success is that feeling of relief that engulfs your heart and entire body after working so hard to come close to your goal. There are many steps one can take to achieve true success. But in my own opinion, you need the passion and determination and the desire in order to fulfil your task. If you don't have the desire while you are doing your task, according to Steve Jobs, you are insane.

Open up a tab for YouTube. Then type in the word "success." You will find hundreds of videos with the words tagged or titled success to it. Many are lectures from older people who have seen the world and experienced its crappiness and its hard work and have lived to tell about it. Even search up the phrase "Best success videos." There will be a lot of them viewed over a million times. I suggest you watch one. Or five. Ten might be overboard, but do whatever pleases you in trying to find the answer to success.

the key to success yo

In sophomore year,  I had an ex-army soldier PE and history teacher who made us look up motivational videos to motivate us for PE. I believe motivational sports videos are close to life-changing. They make you feel guilty for being lazy yet inspired to lose weight and improve in your specific sport. Sometimes we watched videos of people doing tricks in soccer or men performing professional pole dance. Yes, we watched men pole dancing, and it is no where near seductive but mind-blowing.

There was a motivational video that nearly made me cry. It was about a man who had lost the use of his legs due to a car accident. He lost faith in himself for not being able to walk after a couple years. He gained weight and was probably the saddest man alive. Many gym instructors tried to help him, but they were incapable and unfaithful in helping him walk again. One yoga instructor, however, had faith in this man. He wanted to help him. A
nd for a year, the man who could not walk did yoga. Mind you, yoga is not a sissy exercise. (I do yoga, and it makes me sweat buckets.) And this man can't use his legs!!! That's tough stuff! I believe he still practised yoga two years later and was able to do a handstand. This man could walk. He had someone help him. He succeeded. And he also needed the faith.

All one needs is innate faith to persevere.

So, yes, you need the faith. You need the faith that will back you up to fuel your actions to succeed. Without it, you'll be wasting your breath and sweat over something not worth it. For your next research paper or chemistry project, when you are with your partner, and when you are picking your college major, choose what you like. Choose what you enjoy and dive deeper into your field. Drop out of whatever you dislike. When people say that you should follow your heart, I advise you follow your heart. (Just don't do stupid things.)

My Bucket List

Just this week in AP English did we read and read and read the oh-so-famous "I Have a Dream" by Dr. King. It made me realize that I have dreams of my own. However, not for America, but for my finite self. Everyone dreams. I certainly do. It was only last year was I indirectly put to shame for not writing them down, looking back at those lists, and fulfilling them. I even realized that my first blog was to be a resolution list, yet I put two bucket list items instead. Feel free to scroll past my words and pictures to see it. I have a list right below written in pen on paper and the web.

 1. Go to a concert. A music festival. A jam session on the beach. Lollapalooza. A place of people gathered together to listen and dance to the songs of the year or the generation. I want to expand in my interest of music. Whether it be EDM or punk rock or Anime pop. Music is a universal language. A cello can creatively express emotion just as excitement is expressed in the drop of a bass line. I want to be surrounded by sweaty and enthusiastic people all listening to the same singer or band and all speaking the same music dialect.
2. Have breakfast at Tiffany's. New Year's Eve inspired that dream.
3. Graduate highschool with a desirable and passable GPA.
4. Graduate college. (THAT'S ALL I GOT PLANNED OUT FOR COLLEGE)
5. Get married once. No divorce is allowed. If I doubt marrying you for one second, we're not marrying. If we fight every single day during our marriage, we will sort this out at the kitch table and pray to God for peace. 'Till death do we freaking part.
6. Own a MacBook Pro. And all will be right in my world.
7. Stroke a killer whale, my favorite marine animal.
8. Be living in an affordable apartment or condo.
9. Work at a Starbucks or cafe for a year.
10. Speak fluent Japanese. I'll then expand into Tagalog or Italian.
11. Own the newest iPhone.
12. Meet new people! Experience different cultures and faces and accents and body language because there is so many people out there waiting to see me!!!
13. Make Masami and Savannah my child's godparents. When I die they will be taking care of my child.
14. Witness both my friend's weddings. I hope they make me their child's auntie or something!
15. Yes, I only want one child. I specifically want a son.
16. Meet John or Hank Green.They need to sign something of mine; I will forever treasure their presence and their signature.

Honestly, that is only a few of the many dreams I have conjured. Of course, there are a whole lot more in my journal. I'll share them again soon.

*I want to go to an EDM concert!*

Hank and John Green, the fantastic brothers :) 

My Super Power

"If I were to have a super power, what would it be and why?"

I have always liked the idea of levitation. Either it is my body levitating or my hand emitting the power of a strong, invisible force. Like the Force in Star Wars. Two movies that I've watched that included such power was Push and Chronicle. Defying gravity is something I wish I could control. Controlling it with my bare hands and even my conscience is mind-boggling. I want that power. 

The one movie that could explain my favorite superpower is Chronicle. I recommend the movie because it is just so intriguing in many ways. I'm going to try not to spoil anything for you though. Yet I will say that the trio of Andrew, Matt, and Steve could control a force in their hands and mind that could suspend objects such as the video recorder that was supposedly recording the movie, tennis balls, legos, cars, and even their bodies. Their mindsets change when they improve their powers. (Spoiler Alert) Andrew, who has been abused by his father, becomes psycho, and Matt had to do the inevitable to stop him. It is a pretty sad story, but it makes you think and wonder about what happens to Matt and his powers and the rest of his story. I watched the movie one summer morning. For the rest of the day, my mind kept going back to that movie. I always wondered how the hell the meteorite got there. Then I would wonder if it really was something from outer space. Then I would wonder what would happen if Masami, Savannah, and I were drunk enough to adventure into that hole and touch the glowing rock. I wondered if one of us would be dead also. 

I don't know if this is weird to you, but sometimes when I'm lying down in bed or on the couch, I would stare at something from a distance. My eye sight is fairly poor, yet I'm too lazy to get up to get my glasses or something. Sometimes I reach out and attempt summoning the object closer. Like a picture frame, a pencil, or the TV remote. And with a sigh I'd drop my hand, knowing that I would never achieve such a feat. Our minds are definitely incapable of such a task. Only if I was a Jedi or Matt or that hot guy in Push. One object that I want to suspend is water. I'll pour a cup of water it my hand and create a ball of liquid floating right above my palm. Perhaps with gentle strokes I could separate the blob into other individual bubbles or strokes of water to create symbols. I could create a water ball without the balloon. Isn't that cool?

Sometimes when I look out on my balcony, I'd normally look down. It is about a 15 feet drop. I'd imagine jumping, and not touching the ground, but safely floating above the grass and gravel. I'm not implying that I'm suicidal, but the thought is just so aspiring to me. I don't want to fly. I want to float. I want to suspend. I want to defy the force that holds us to Earth and can only be seen in movies, street performers, and cleverly digitally enhanced pictures.

It is a mystical power. I don't know if I would use it for evil like the main characters in Push or Chronicle. Maybe I would. Maybe I wouldn't. Would I?

Should Saipan International School allow cell phone usage during school?

I'm caught in between agreeing and disagreeing with the restrictions and allowance of cellphones in our school. I am perfectly fine with the school's restriction of cellphones, for I have been to schools that were much stricter with electronics than this school is. However, I don't want to be restricted from my electronic device.

I noticed that this school is just as serious with education and certain rules as any other school. I've grown up with knowing that phones, iPods, headphones, and even laptops shouldn't be on or even out in plain sight during school. It'll be taken away in an instant. I was literally in fear of being caught while using my phone to call in the restrooms at my last two schools. One reason for the restriction of phone usage from 7:30 AM to 2:45 PM is to not distract the teacher, fellow classmates, and yourself during school. There's time for school, and there's time for play. I see fourth grade kids playing on their iPad during break, and my eyebrow is raised in surprise, for if I had an iPad out at CCA or MBA, it'll be the teacher's iPad in two seconds. Let's say I'm 75% for the restriction. I'm just so used to it.

Yet the other 25% is bugging me about it because I don't like being restricted with something as dear to me as my phone. (And iPod. I don't have an expensive phone like a Samsung SII or III or Galaxy Note or whatever. I have an expensive iPod. Read that again. iPod. Not an iPhone. I carry around a normal flip phone and an iPod at all times.) Yet if I had one of the newest Samsungs or 5s, I'd want to have it with me since my social life is inside a 4x6 electronic device. Sometimes I want to use the dictionary.com app in my iPod during AR, or text my mom to bring the homework I forgot on my desk at home during class. The first point would probably be acceptable, but the second one will get the you-should-be-ready-for-every-class card from the teacher.

But still! Teachers don't trust us because they're smart. They know what we'll do if we were allowed full-time usage of phones. And we (including myself) are stupid for doing non-academic activities on our electronics. But hey, that's the cool part, because we become pros (or just utter failures) in the art of sneakiness. But that's not a good reason for having cellphones.

There should always be a restriction on cellphones. The main reason I think we should have cellphone (and electronic devices) usage is because we want them with us anyway. We are susceptible to many distractions and social media apps, and we want to use them. So I guess SIS should allow cellphones, but to a strict extent.

i want onnneeee<3

The Three Things That'll Make My Life Perfect

Perfection, perfection. I honestly believe nothing will make a person's life perfect. Yet it would be nice to come close to that level. I have three close friends and beloved family that make my life seem dysfunctional and absolutely perfect in many ways. But there are days when I want something so selfishly. That if I get, my entire life would be set. So as I sit here typing away my heart's desire, I'm reconsidering the three individual things that will make me happy and my life perfect.

The first thing that came to mind was something that has been bothering me for many years in junior high and highschool. Okay, I really want a really nice, thin, perfect sized, silver or black laptop. A laptop that isn't heavy and easily transportable. Something like a Mac Book Pro. Or a Dell. HP? Honestly, anything! I really like the system, and the style is just so majestic in some way. The small netbook I have right now (the Public School System in Saipan gave out free netbooks to 7th-12th grade students in every school in the island; and they chose a weird model) has Windows XP, and I want something with a new system. Almost everyone in my class has Windows 8, so yeah, I'm a bit jealous, but I just really want something brand new and organizable. Even the style of my laptop is inconvenient. I want a flat computer with all the good accessories installed: camera, microphone, extensive hard-drive and memory, Windows 8, Google Chrome, etc. I need to save up on money for something as luxurious as this. Ooorrr, I have to work hard in school to impress my mom to buy this for me for Christmas!

My second thing for a perfect life is to live in a well-furnished apartment. Yes, I want an apartment room. A nice one. If you haven't noticed I like "nice" things. I want to live in an apartment before I get down and serious about having a family. I want to live the independent pro-college life. I always dream abut living with my two close friends.Or even my boyfriend. We'll sleep late and wake up late on our day-offs; we'll take turns cooking; we'll take turns cleaning the bedroom, living room, bathroom, and kitchen; we'll sleep in the same bed and share our dreams and nightmares in the morning. We'll do everything together. Life with a partner in a well-furnished apartment will be perfect. To be exact, I want a two bedroom, one and a half bathroom, spacious living room and kitchen, and a balcony-included apartment. My brother had a similar apartment like this, and I fell in love with it. He was living in that apartment with his wife when my mom, sister, and I visited before the wedding. It wasn't the best place for five people, but for two people will be perfect. 

look at that view! this apartment is too fancy tho, but I love the furniture!!!

My third thing for a perfect life is a paying job that I love. Forgive me, that is very vague, but it is something that will occupy my time perhaps eight hours a day. I want a job that will be worth my time. Working for a company or a boss that I do not tolerate will be simply wasting my life away. Not good. However, I'm not thinking about a certain job at this very moment. I mean, some days I think about working at a city coffee shop. I also thought I was so smart when I thought of owning a flower. Right now, I'm too busy with homework and thoughts of college. The decision making for jobs will come soon. I just want a job that will tire me out for a good reason. Also, I want to work in a way that will glorify God. He is one of my main priorities. So I hope God will pleasingly look down on me when I'm thirty-six, working to make myself happy and to get paid the money needed for my family's needs and wants.

Overall, I want a nice laptop, a well-furnished apartment, and a good-paying, worth-while job. These things are pretty simple. I just want to achieve a perfect life in a simple way. Is that so hard?

Friendliness: Then and Now

"In the past people were friendlier than we are today. Agree or disagree?" 

What an interesting question. Depends on how long ago also. Is the past meaning a decade or a century ago? A generation ago? Two generations? Either way I disagree with this statement, for I believe an individual person will always experience harsh words and be the harsh word giver throughout his life. I've never really thought of people's friendliness changing throughout the years. I do believe that I understand why some people don't react so nice because life is not as nice to everyone else. But like... young or old, everyone's friendly. And everyone's rude.We are humans, and we are not consistent. We change every single day. Friendliness changes every minute actually. There hasn't been an "overload" of friendliness in the past, and over the years that overload dissipates in the unknown . That's just not right in my opinion.


If a person grows up in an environment of abusive parents, boyfriends/girlfriends, teachers, or friends, kindness hasn't entirely been the emotion they expect from everyone they interact. Being surrounded by that, they will either fear people or down right ignore, avoid, or hate people in general. Yet if a person is raised spoiled rotten and granted every toy they wanted, sure enough kindness cradled them to sleep every night. (I'm not saying that's a bad thing.) Your environment affects this opinion of ageing friendliness.

However, experiencing high school in general will make you realize that kids your age won't be as kind as they were in 3rd grade. High school will be a lot meaner to you than junior high school ever was for sure. You are actually trying to survive popularity, sociality, or individuality in the halls, restrooms, and classrooms. Everyone's stressed, so everyone's not gonna be nice to you all the damn time.

So yeah, people will always be mean and kind to you. There will not be a change. You will have good days and bad days, good months and bad months, good years and bad years. Yet you will always experience Hatred and Love in sporadic volumes. You'll get the heart-warming smile from a stranger during your usual wait in line at Starbucks and the rude taxi driver flip off during rush house. That's life. Endure those happy moments and tend the wounds that insults cut through you. You can do it.