Which of the Seven Sins Am I Most Guilty of?

Having thought this over for a minute, it is a toss up between two sins, lethargy and envy. I honestly believe that I can be just as lazy as the next couch potato and as envious as the next teenage girl. These two conflicting sins rule my heart and mind in a very bad way. I do hope I can overcome these two when I grow up, or I wish I can even control them in a possible way. If someone is not yelling at me to do the dishes, I will not do it. If someone has really nice legs or a sweet looking sweater, I'm going to pray very hard that that bod and sweater will be mine.

I believe my sloth stage reached its peak when I went to MBA for sophmore year- so only last year! Yes, I've actually noticed it myself. I do not have the energy to do anything unless it has something to do with Masami and Savannah, my boyfriend, or my mom. Somewhere in my head, my activity level was switched off. For that year, I barely read other books besides our class textbook. (I barely read my text book also.) Well, I did read a couple novels, but not my usual one-every-month. (This is why I am glad I have Assertive Reading (AR) because I am literally forced to read books for a grade. And the class is just pure silence for an hour in a cold class room. HOW COOL IS THAT?! <3) I did not join co-ed volleyball or women's soccer because I saw myself as too busy with school work. Hey, I really was busy. My mind was not mentally prepared to get engaged with after-school practices after being literally thrown out of my last school (it closed down because of low funds).

But as I type this out, I am mentally kicking myself for not joining those sports. I believe I gained weight for sitting on my butt for a year. However, I am joining volleyball and hopefully a soccer team this junior year. I need to get active and social. I also have to be harsh on myself in my studies. This school gives loads of homework and quizzes everyday and expect a lot from a student. I'm not complaining actually. I am thankful for this. My heart is just unwilling. I haven't pushed myself this much in a year. My ambition in Calvary is gone. My stamina in sports has withered to almost nothing.

Literally, my heart feels tired. I don't even want to be in school at this very moment. But you know, something in me is pushing me also. Something inside me is turning my gears and is still encouraging me to move forward. Some days Lethargy creeps up behind my ear and whispers the sweet nothing of its laziness and I fall for it. Yet there is something in me that fires me up to not fall for that sin. Call me a spiritual freak, but I won't care; I  believe it's the Holy Spirit in me. The mini version of God is telling me what to do. He is telling me what to do. And if it weren't for Him, I'd be in an even worse affair with Lethargy.

Next is Envy. This beotch rules me with an iron fist. I don't believe I show my jealousy too much. But I still have it in my heart. I get jealous of my sister, of my pretty best friend, of my talented and bilingual best friend, of my boyfriend looking at another girl, of my mother's smarts and responsibility, and of my classmates clothes and bodies. I always see something I like. My eighth grade English teacher explained the difference of jealousy and envy, and the definitions have not left me since. Jealousy is wanting what that person has; envy is having what that person has rather than that person having it himself. That is a violation of the Tenth Commandment too.

Hence, my insecurity fuels my envy.

I am prone to all of the main sins because I am a sinner and so are you, reader. Sinning is bad, but honestly it's fun too. If you don't think that then you're lying. That's a sin too. My goal is to limit my two overbearing sins of Lethargy and Envy. When you're a believer, you wouldn't want to disappoint God, so you try your best to be perfect for Him. I want to be perfect for Him.

All I'll need to do is pray, pray, pray.