Definition of Happiness

I have heard a lot of people who are asked what kind of life or relationship they want; a majority of people say, “I want a happy life” and “I just want to be in a happy relationship with my boyfriend/girlfriend.” My history teacher once confronted us about this statement. He said, “So let’s say you reached that goal of a happy future,” he paused for the dramatic effect.

“Then what?”


Saying that I was surprised would be an understatement. I have always heard and read the sentence “I just want to be happy.” And my “ever so wise” history teacher changed my perspective of happiness with such a simple interrogative sentence. He was right though, I have to admit. Just saying you want be happy in life is not good enough. You’re being a wimp and wasting your life and breathe by saying it.

 A lot of people want to be happy, but happiness is not a goal. Happiness is not something you can set as a goal. You cannot pray for happiness. Happiness can’t be your finish line in life. Happiness is not tangible; well, of course not, it is an emotion. But, you see, happiness is a result.

 I honestly believe that happiness is what you make of it. You have to do something in order to obtain that happiness. Doing something that you enjoy is what happiness is. Listen to your favorite song on repeat all Saturday afternoon. Go outside and kick a soccer ball or play ball at the court. If you enjoy reading, download the novel you cannot wait to be shipped here and read until you finish the last sentence. If you enjoy hanging out with your friends – and your friends enjoy hanging out with you – call them up right now and say you’re heading over there to spend the night. If dancing in the dark with the bass blaring is what satisfies your heart, then put on your tight mini dress or adorn yourself you’re your favorite shirt and dance the night away.

I’ll admit, I am an optimistic person. When the giants of Sadness, Depression, and Anxiety come alone and step on my back and break my spine, I fall apart. I do not like sadness or pessimism; sadness is a bacteria that my immune system has a hard time removing from my system. I rely on optimism. I breathe happy things. I always want to be happy! One time my mom bought me a pack of sticky notes for no apparent reason, but my reaction to her small gift surprised her. I was flipping through the yellow paper and thanked her multiple times. She said, “Doesn’t take much to make you happy, huh.” I guess it really doesn’t take a lot to please me. Objects shaped like hearts, good morning messages from the boyfriend, 100% charged electronics, and pomegranate vitamin water make me happy. I’m happy at the end of the day when I volunteer to do cleanups on the island. I feel ecstatic when Savannah and I do a flawless duo performance in NFL. Staying up late until 4 in the morning with my two best friends and peering through gritty eyes and sipping flat soda is what I live for.

Happiness is undefinable. The difficulty of defining happiness is as easy as defining life and beauty and death. Everyone has their own definition of happiness. Mine is what you do that makes your heart race and your mouth smiling from ear to ear and what makes you sigh with relief and nod your head to the beat. I have weird, simple things that make me happy; I enjoy things that you would find very boring. But I am me and you are you. 

What is that makes you happy though?

Which book benefited you the most and how?

One of the first stores I look forward to shopping in when I go off island is Barnes & Noble. Yes, a book store. I get excited when I step into this store and am flanked by rows and rows and piles and piles of books. Books that I would never read. Books with beautiful covers. Books I have already bought but am proud to see on the shelves. And books that tempt me by their names and descriptions. Saipan is not blessed with this franchise; I do hope there would be a store established here soon.

When I was in Guam last summer, I visited one of the malls that had B&N.  It took me a while to find the store, but when I found it – on the second floor at the opposite end of the mall – I had to withhold myself from sprinting to the store. Instead, I merely quickened my walking pace to its doors, leaving my family behind. My eyes and smile grew wide as I tiptoed past its doors and neared the aisles. I could here my mom, sister, and cousin walking up behind me with their colorful plastic and paper shopping bags crinkling against each other. I couldn't contain myself when I walked throughout the store; I must've inspected the place at least twice around before I actually started looking at titles and peeling the books from their place on the shelves. I'd open a book for a few seconds then place it back and start on a new one. My mom was yelling at us to hurry up; she doesn't have the patience to be in a book store. As I looked through the books, I looked at the prices also. I began to frown as I noticed the books I wanted were nearly $20, an amount I didn't have in my wallet after shopping for hours for clothes. My cousin already chose the books she wanted and brought them to the cash register. “Choose one already,” my mom said. I am very indecisive.

As I sorted through a shelf I had passed three times, I came to a complete stop when I saw the title and cover page of The Book Thief by Markus Zusak. I stared at the book for a couple seconds. It felt like it was pulling me toward its spine to pull it out and inspect its contents. It was a thick book but paperback; its font size was pretty small, but that rarely bothers me. After fanning through its pages, I doubted buying it because of its price. But when my mom saw me intently inspecting a book, she insisted I buy it. This book attracted me to it with its title; its description got me even more curious. This book should be good, I thought.

Being a slow reader, I finished the 400 paged book in a month. Zusak's writing had me stunned. I have never read a book about the German lifestyle when the Nazis ruled. But after reading this book, I was enlightened about the life a German suffered during the World War. Death and Poverty spared no one. Everyone was affected by Hitler's reign. Liesel's suffering, determination, love for words and learning, and love for her family, Rudy, and Max touched my heart.  His choice of Death being the main speaker was clever. My idea of death has changed also. I would have never imagined Death being the narrator.

The book emotionally stunned me. The tone and layout of the book was unlike my usual perspective of novels. Although it is considered a book of the 5^th grade level, it made me feel like I read the Bible and had been revealed God’s secrets. Exaggeration? Yes. Inspired? Definitely.

Looks vs. Ideas

A person's looks or clothing is more important than having good ideas to succeed. Do you agree or disagree?

So that which is outside matters more than what is inside? Of course not! The angle you turn your fedora or the jeans you fashion yourself with is not more important than what you have to say or do to actually make a change for yourself and the people around you and even the world! The clothes you wear will wither. Your skin will not appear tan forever. Your clothes will tear and rot of moth balls. Your skin will become wrinkly. But your contribution to curing cancer will last longer than your leather Louviton bag.

If your opinions and ideas were a physical object, they will appear as perfect as the most beautiful gem ever cut and fashioned on a ring or necklace. It glistens when you cast light upon it. That gem makes all your girl friends jealous of your wealth. You awe the people that feast their eyes on the gem decorating your finger or chest. But right now, you cannot see that gem. It is not cut yet. It is not polished. Right now it is surrounded by an ugly dark rock that represents your face, your body, your clothes, everything. There is a slit in the rock that you can peer through to see the glistening gem. Right now, your appearance is the rock. Yet behind your makeup and smirk and Gucci bag and Vera Wang dress is this beautiful green, purple, blue, red, or even clear gem that is dying to be polished and shown. Beneath your skin is this beautifully enriched idea that is begging to be shared to the world. But how can you get to that gem? How can you get to that idea? Well, you must polish the rock clean of its dirt. You must get rid of the stereotype that your appearance means more than what is inside of you. That will take time. And loads of patience. It will take a lengthy time to polish that gem clear from its blemish of dark stone – or blemish of gaudy dresses and tuxes.

Everyone has a gem inside them. Some have a collection of gems. Some have small ones the size of a number 2 pencil's eraser; some have big ones the size of a baseball. Some do not know how to polish their gem. Some people take decades to polish the gem of its impurities.

So what looks better? The rock or the gem? Your clothes or your idea? Your conscience or your curves?

I swear, people are more beautiful on the inside – behind all that skin and leather and makeup. I've looked at people much too much and have only look, yet when I converse and ponder about the reasons for their action, I am awed and actually ashamed for holding a different perspective of them. Your appearance is nothing compared to what is inside of you. Absolutely nothing, my dear. Okay, some people will be prettier and bulkier in rock size. They will be bristly whilst you are ever so dull on the surface. But you possibly can have the bigger gem beneath. Once cracked and revealed, you will appear more perfect as a diamond.

Your thoughts and opinions and ideas matter more, sweetheart. You have a gem for a heart. Shine it and make it known instead of your appearance.

Three Qualities of True Friends

I swear, I learned this in Bible last year, but I don't remember it! There are exactly three terms defining true friendship. I don't remember. It's written somewhere in a thick notebook in my desk somewhere. However, I do have my own personal definition of true friends since I have some of my own. I have two (scratch that- three) true friends that I would die for any second. Those three have proven themselves worthy and loving; I'm blessed to be considered a true friend of their own. They do actually have a few qualities common amongst them.

I know for sure that they love me unconditionally, and I do in return. Masami and Savannah are one the of the greatest people I have ever met in the whole world. The three of us have been through thick and thin; we have spilled out our pasts and have seen both the good and bad of each other. We have crept out on Masami's rooftop late at night and tell each other stories and laugh at the jokes and complain of the cold wind. We've seen each other cry after a loved one's death or heartbreak. We make pacts for each other to keep – eat only one chip at a time from the bag at all times, swear never to shave our legs until we are in college (Masami couldn't keep that promise), and promise to never change our ways when we enter MBA (I promised to not change when I come to SIS). This intimate relationship and constant interaction has brought us closer than we could have ever imagined. We have a strong bond, and I believe that has led us to love each other no matter what. I love them, oh, so much. True friends love each other no matter what the situation.

True friends are loyal. As I am in a new school and both my buds are in a different school, my loyalty to them and their loyalty to me will be tested. You see, we are a trio. Right now there is an open spot for whoever want to be apart of that trio. They can easily fill in the void and replace me. I fear that'll happen someday; I could possibly make them both mad and they'd never want to see me again. Easy way to get myself excommunicated... I'm praying that will never happen. I've made friends in SIS; my classmates are beyond amazing – no lie. Yet I still have my heart where the other two are at. I tend to choose those two over my boyfriend sometimes! Our omnipotent bond keeps our friendship intact; our love results in our everlasting loyalty. Even if we do go to different colleges in the next year to come, I will still be loyal to them. I do believe they will be too.

Lastly, true friends are honest, sometimes brutally and painfully honest, but you are not a true friend if you do not love them enough to even tell the truth. Masami and Savannah have been honest in many things I've done. Even if they joke around about it, I take it personally and try to change my ways to become, well, better. When I was younger, I tended to speak Japanese for no apparent reason. I'll react to something then all of a sudden say a Japanese word, which will sometimes irritate them. They joked about it a couple times to me, and I got offended and vowed to hold my tongue of it foreignness. There are other example, but I cannot bring my brain to think of any. So yes, they are honest with me. Oh! Like with types of clothes or answers to homework and such. They build and improve me. I cannot ask for anything more.

Greatest Strength of a Human

The strongest trait each and every human being contains in his soul is his cruel iniquity. And yes, I mean evil thoughts, desires, emotions, and actions. I believe that every human being is bad before and after birth. Even before you were thought of and conceived, you were an evil being. Now I'm not meaning you looked like an ugly, red, horned fetus with coarse black evilness running through your veins. That's disgusting :( What I mean is that your soul contained pure iniquity; however, you can always be redeemed of that. I'm not going to preach to you, my dear readers. My point being is that with evil being the foundation of your entirety, that evil will result in your future actions and words. If you have an evil heart and mind, evil words and actions will spill out between your lips and emit from your fingertips.

Look around you, and you will see normal looking people. No one looks outlandishly vicious: red horns, black cap, awkward villain costume, etc. They all smile differently; their tone changes when a certain topic is brought up. (I do not know the statistic of who in your class will grow up to kill a person, but I will be surprised if not one of my classmates become criminals in jail or even dead.) But I doubt any of my classmates desire to control the world. They're not super villains. Yet they are evil at heart. We are bad people inside.

I believe that I am evil, yet I try every single day to not fulfill my evil heart's desires and become good and righteous in the eyes of my Father. I do make mistakes, more than I should. I choose to cuss and hit people less; I was raised to not to do; also I feel guilty when I do so.

What I also believe is a strong human characteristic against all beings on this planet and even the universe is human intelligence. Human intuition and opinion enables us to surpass the personality of animals and insects. We can coherently and verbally argue; we can use our thumbs for a variety of hand gestures and actions; we can write; we are capable of communicating opinions and ideas; we can build cities and empires. Don't think them animals can do that! Human intelligence gives us an advantage of being most superior – and most reckless.

So I believe iniquity is the greatest trait of all, and our most advantageous is our intelligence. We are a blessed race. I do wish people could realize that!

Big School or Small School?

I have never had the experience of attending a big school. The private schools on this island are not that large in campus size, and I've only been to relatively small private schools. My last school – Marianas Baptist Academy – was pretty much one to two acres, including the basketball/volleyball court! It would've taken less than a minute to get to my next class. I am a student of small schools. 

However, SIS is a medium sized school actually – definitely not small, but long in length to make you semi-tired of walking on the sidewalk to the next building. Its size makes a big difference to my schedule; you have to strategically plan out when and where to walk because you can easily waste time in taking the long way. Need to go the restroom? You have to consider which one is closer to use. Need to go to your locker, which is in the back of the high school building, and you are in the second floor of the middle school building for chemistry and only have about two minutes before the teacher locks you out of class? You pray before you sprint or pray that you don't need to use your chem book in class. I honestly like SIS's size. Walking is good for you; you wake up a bit before going to class, and we have the opportunity of walking outside in the fresh air, which I highly admire; you lose a handful of calories also – bonus!

I believe small schools are better, for they result in closer relationships between the teachers and students and the headmaster/principal.  Also the students will be more acquainted with other students. Just like in a small town is as a small school, you know everyone. In a bigger school, however, there are a lot more faces to memorize and acquaint and watch out for. In a bigger school, there are larger halls that cram in hurrying students who would not care about you or your belongs. Bigger schools have a greater responsibility on their students and might possibly have stricter rules than a smaller school.Your relations with people is also lower. The following picture holds statistic about smaller schools versus big schools. 

Having been to small schools for a majority of my educative years, I am a fan of small schools. When I go to college, I will be highly overwhelmed than when I was shopping at a Ross or WallMart. I mean, I'll be living at college; there will be people that do no and might never know me, or even Saipan for that matter; I will have a hard time walking to all my classes and then finally my dorm - but more calories burned! I will have a variety of friends of different race and personality - another bonus. There are some disadvantages to both school sizes, and I'm excited to experience a big school. I imagine feeling more "grown up" and responsible than at a small school. 

What are things that I would teach and not teach my children? How would my children do differently?

Like any other proud child, I believe my mom is the best example of a parent. Her ways of raising her three beautifully luscious black haired children – my brother, sister, and I – have resulted in beautiful hearted people, growing to be respectable Saipan and American citizens. Okay, we are not perfect results of my mother's parenting, but my mom did do a pretty darn good job raising us! I pray so hard that I'd be able to raise my future child/children in the same manner as my mom had. I would also fix the flaws of my mother's parenting; I will, oh so, hopefully improve her process, because my mom did have a few imperfections.

(Dad is out of the picture. He's off where he actually wants to be.)

First and foremost, I'd raise my child through a Christian perspective. I'd teach him really young about certain stories in the Bible, verses to memorize by heart, and prayers to repeat before you sleep and eat. I would not express any profanity in front of my child, neither should my husband. I'll teach them proper table etiquette. I will want them to learn how to either dance, play an instrument or sport, sing, draw, paint, etc. because a skill like that is necessary. I want them to also develop a love for reading books! Reading is most important!

I want them to talk to me or their father bout anything: their school problems, relationship problems, spiritual problems, etc. I want to create a friendship type relationship of insulting (okay, not like super insulting but like “oh, you butthead” kind of joke) and inside jokes, but I will turn on “mother mode” and be loving and caring when the time is needed. I will allow my son to have a girlfriend, but he must introduce her to me and his father after the second date! Yeah, second date!  I will refrain from raising my voice against them, for it had resulted in a limited relationship with my mom. I will only raise my voice when needed (over loud noise or being intentionally ignored). I am not going to be a overly strict nun-like mother, but, hey, I'll be stern to an extent. By showing this type of attitude, I hope my children will learn to create a friendship-like parenthood for my grandchildren!

I will not teach my child about general immoral things until he's like 11. Somewhere around that age. I do hope that he would not know what they are until he is that age. I do hope he would ask me questions about anything he did not understand. If I ever say, "I'll tell you when you're older," I'd better right down that question and get back to him when he is appropriately older!

This is a preview of my parenting style. I'll hope to become a parent someday. I love love love children. Having a child of my own will be a dream come true. I do hope that my child will be raised in the same loving and maturing style as I was too! I better learn from my mother quick!