What I Believe About Art

I have a strong desire for art. I enjoy drawing. I enjoy looking at paintings and sculptures. Sometimes, when my mind wanders and I dream about my future life and occupation, I can’t help but dream about being an artist. I become fascinated with the idea of having a studio and painting my living room walls and selling my work for hundreds of dollars. I could teach other people in my studio or in a different building or at a school. I love art, but sometimes I am disappointed that my skill in art is not as grand as my desire.

In my opinion, art is a concept of expression. If you can’t use words, use pictures. Even without the skill, you can pick up a pencil or a paint brush and draw, sketch, doodle, scratch, paint all sorts of things, such as scenery, people, animals, plants, and objects as simple as a box or a star. When you’re bored, do you doodle in the margin of your notebook? I had a terrible habit of doing that, and I once forced myself to not draw on my notes because it looked unprofessional. Some people, for example: my mom, do not like graffiti. I honestly admire graffiti. Okay, not the profane and utterly stupid one-liners you see in the bathroom, but like, the graffiti that actual artists take time in doing on the walls near the side of the road. When I visited the states, like in LA or Boston, I thought the graffiti was spectacular. Being young, I didn’t know what they meant or what the pictures represented, but I was fascinated every time we drove around the cities. When I was reading the Freedom Writers Diary, there was one freedom writer that wrote about his passion for vandalizing the walls on buildings and desks in school. He’d rather draw than study any day. He knew his passion, and he chose doing it over books.

Honestly, I could stare at a painting for a very long time. I would have my glasses or contacts on, sit down or even stand in front of the painting, and run my eyes over the artist’s use of detail. So much time had been set into this piece, and I can’t help but stand back in awe and respect for merely a fraction of the amount of time that the artist worked on it. I respect people who can draw well. I even envy those who do. Even if they deem themselves amateurs, they are much better than I am. An artist knows what he is doing; he I capable of creating the picture in his head and will his hands and wrists to copy the image in his mind.

I believe that art doesn’t have to be on a piece of paper. There is art in nature. Have you ever been so wonderstruck when you walk through a forest, view a sunset, look down from the top of a mountain, or simply glimpse outside your window? Nature is art. I honestly believe that people are a masterpiece themselves. Every piece of art needs an artist, right? 

My Meaning of Life

I will be honest with you, dear reader.  I do not have a non-religious view of life. I repeat: non-religious. I am a Christian. As a result, my definition of life has something to do with God. Or a lot to do with God actually. Now, another truthful statement I will admit; I am not a “strong” Christian. What I mean is that I don’t necessarily read the Bible. I do not go to church ever Wednesday and Sunday. I did not do Holy Communion. I do not go to my respectable pastor and ask to be repented. I guess you could say I am a weak Christian. I pray though. I pray (almost) every day.  I try to pray for everyone I know; that is the best type of prayer I believe. I know God is real and I try ever so hard to consider him in all that I do. But sometimes I am as filthy and guilty as any other sinner in this world. I speak profanity and think of unrighteous thoughts. The reason I had just admitted my weak spiritual status is that my “religious definition” of life is not that strong either. My definition is simple. My definition is weak. My youth and inexperience with life itself will result in a weak and simple definition anyways. But I am glad I am doing this blog so I can get started on a foundation for my definition of life. When I am older, either my brother’s age or Mr. Tessen’s age, I will have a better definition of life. My definition could change also. I do not know yet.

I believe the reason we are put on this earth to live is to please God. Following that will would allow you to go to heaven to live “happily ever after.” You see, God loves me. And you. Your family. My family. Your ancestors. My ancestors. All of the Americas and Europe and Asia and etcetera.  He really loves you. I know He does. He loves you for your sins and embarrassing moments and for your accomplishments and good deeds. He will love you more than your soul mate and marriage partner. He literally loves you for who you really are. He knew you before you were born, conceived, or even thought of. Isn’t that different? I mean, once you’ve realized that He loves you, then you’d want to please Him in whatever you do. To me, I think of it like pleasing your mom or your dad. (For me, it’s my mom since she’s only parent I really have at the moment.) You love your parents. Do you want to disappoint someone that loves you as much as you love them? Of course not! The only thing you’d feel for the whole day would be pure guilt. You would want to make your parents happy, and you want to be able to have a bond of constant trust, care, and love. You see, once you learn that the “Man Upstairs” undescribably loves you and will welcome you into His mansion with open arms amazes me nonetheless. All you have to say is that you believe in Him.

So like, once you please God, you live a righteous life. A righteous, sinless, and honestly perfect life. One without sorrow or regret. You would be loved even if you did sin, because God has already forgiven you for your past and future sins. You would be taken care of; God will provide anything for you during harsh times. You will have someone to talk to when you are alone. You have someone to protect you from things that you cannot physically control. Also, you have a place to live after you are dead. Like I said, a mansion. You are set for eternity. Isn’t that great???

But being a Christian isn’t easy, just as living life isn’t easy either. There are people who would not like you being a Christian. There would be persecutions and terrible comments thrown at you. There would be events in your life that would cause you to disobey God. You will go through times of pain and frustration. Sometimes God won’t give you the things you pray for. It’ll seem like He isn’t taking care of you; it’ll seem that he would be ignoring you. But there are reasons for anything. There are things that will happen that you will dread to experience, but it is a part of God’s Plan for you. He wants you to grow up. God does not want to baby you, like your parents would not want you to be reliant on them when you’re 30. God wants you to be mature and not think of only yourself. And while you’re doing that, He doesn’t want you to get hurt along the way.

Like I said in the first paragraph, I will think of a better definition of life. I will enhance this one or rewrite a completely different meaning. If you do not agree with what I have just explained, I understand. It took many school years for me to understand Jesus and His Father and His ways. You, reader, will have a different perspective, and I am open to learning about it. 

What I Believe About Justice

When I think of the word justice, I think of the word “fairness.” I imagine a court. I imagine the judge in his black robe and the defendant shaking at his knees and his conscience waiting to be tried by the jury. But pull open a dictionary and consider it yourself about how justice really works and the simple definition of justice is whether your action or ideology is right or wrong. Is it right to hit someone who’d hit you first? Some would agree because you have the right to hit him back. Some would disagree because you shouldn’t hit people in the first place. Is it right to kill someone? No? But the person you killed had killed your sister. Is it right? Is it right to hurt someone you had hurt you back? Is it wrong to be a pacifist? Is it right to be a vegan? Was Diogenes right for practicing cynicism? Is it right that I follow Christianity? Is it right for me to convert to Islam? Is it right to kill people in the name of God? Is it wrong to pray before I eat? Is it wrong if I use two different colored shoelaces for my shoes and mismatching socks for my feet?

There are obviously many more questions than what I had offered that have been asked and have been left unanswered. Questions that had been thrown out there and later swept away by the wind and flutters aimlessly in the air, occasionally touching a person and occasionally bothering someone as well.  It will be impossible to correctly answer those questions because you will receive 7 billion answers in return. There are about 7 billion minds generating on this earth; imagine those minds working day and night, creating thoughts, ideas, conversations, and dreams. Those 7 billion minds are directed by even millions of different ideologies and cultures that believe in what is truly right and what is absolutely wrong.

 There are different cultures that teach you how to dress and how to behave. What I – a mixed race islander of the Pacific– would believe to be right would be completely absurd to what a Republican American citizen would believe to be right also. My mother easily disagrees to what I believe is right in my opinion of fashion. I will be glad to openly disagree to what a rude, ignorant atheist would have to say about God. The coordination of my fingers typing out this blog would be wrong in the eyes of a professional typist. So why are our ways of thinking different?

Believing in different religions and following different life guidelines can greatly affect one’s justice. If I would say that justice was what you make of it, that your only own rules were right, then how would people agree to a criminal’s sentence during a trial? How would laws be made? I can imagine the elders of an old tribe meeting together at a sacred hut or building. They spit and argue behind their long beards about the rules they plan to follow and post up for their tribe. And those laws that were made in that old sacred building is the same laws that rule a country centuries later. I believe there is a lot of background in the justice we administer today. America’s republic is based on ancient Rome’s republic. Many countries follow the democracy that the Greeks used.

Justice is not what you make it. Justice is the rules and guidelines that direct your life. I have ten precepts on this blog that are my “justice” principles.  Freedom of speech. Freedom of religion. Freedom to bear arms. The Declaration of Independence. Etcetera etcetera. I have my personal justice, and you yourself would have personal principles yourself. Your conscience has justice. You know what is right and what is wrong right?

What I Believe About Truth

I believe that the truth is irreplaceable and the strongest weapon a person can wield. I believe that the truth can truly damage and heal a person in one blow. Bend and distort the truth and you have a broken relationship or a ruined future. Completely lie about the truth and you are brandished a sinful, dirty liar. The truth is sacred, yet I am as foolish as any other human to let truth slip out of my grasp and hurt me in return. Some people are afraid of the truth, so they hide it. Or they hide from it. I hide like anyone else. I mean, have you ever been hurt by the truth? Have you ever been scared of telling the truth? Have you ever feared the truth? I know for sure that I have. I am now.

I have always been bothered by the act of parents keeping secrets from their children in order to keep them innocent or to keep them from ruining their lifestyle. A complex secret that the child would not understand or a secret that could ruin his childhood forever. I have always wondered what the right thing to do in the situation was. I understand that a good parent would never let harm into a child’s life and, heaven forbid, into his mind. The truth hurts, and a parents will never want to see his child hurt by something he cannot control. But when the time comes, when the child has grown and has a life and mind of his own, and the parent tells the child the secret, the child can erase the fact that he had been lied against and betrayed the majority of his life. But it was the parent’s intention to protect his child from the truth. What should a good parent do? Ruin his son young or ruin him old?

One example I can think of at the moment is the moment in Kite Runner when Rahim Khan tells Amir that Hassan was his brother. (Forgive me for the spoiler.) First of all, what a plot twist! I believe Rahim agha stole the show; he said everything a reader could devastatingly imagine. Secondly, the fact that Hassan was Amir’s biological brother was overwhelming to Hassan – and to the reader. To imagine, after all those years of happiness, childish games, reading under the pomegranate tree, and after watching Hassan being terribly abused by Assef – stupid, bloody Assef – Amir never thought of his servant being his half-brother. Those moments could have been different if Amir knew that Hassan was his brother. The moments would be nicer. I mean, that is how I perceive it. How the truth affects him takes a sorrowful toll on the reader as well.

When I was in Calvary and taught about the commandments, I believe it was the ninth commandment that states that one should never bear false witness – and in lament’s terms, you should not lie. You can hide the truth with so many lies that the truth is hidden even for forever until someone pulls truth out behind its costume. Lying hurts. I have lied. Too many times that I shouldn’t. I am definitely not the best Christian example to follow. You can say I am one of those that run away from the truth one too many times. But I believe that the truth can get back at you ever so easily. 

I’ve been told that the truth hurts. I know that the truth hurts. I’ve had the truth step in front of me and slap me right across the face. I have let the truth spill from my lips and poison other people unintentionally. However, it depends on what you do with the truth. How you react to the truth is how mature you really are.  I remember reading a quote comparing truth to a lion. Lemme find a picture for you. I believe it to be true though. The truth won’t need you to pull it out behind the lies that his friends have disguised it as. The truth can take of itself.

Connecting with Others

It is 2013, and there are thousands of ways you can electronically communicate with people in your area or with people around the world. There are smart phones and tablets that enables you to connect to the internet; there are computers equipped with microphones and cameras for you to connect to actually see and hear and talk to the person on the other side of the world and; there are online chat rooms that can title you as anonymous or as your chosen username and allow you to talk to complete strangers (something mom always told us not to do); there are websites that allow you to post your ideas and thoughts and pictures and videos. I have used these sites. I have explored the web. Well, I haven’t entirely scoped the vastness of the World Wide Web. But I use it to voice myself. And journalism is one step to that.

The two social networking sites that I constantly check the second I turn on my computer are Twitter and Tumblr – mostly Tumblr. Yes, I do have a Facebook account, but I tend to stay away from that site; the nonsense I see there and the jealousy (yes, jealousy) that builds up in me annoys me greatly. I post pictures on Instagram; I blog and reblog various items on Tumblr; I vent my personal life in texts that must only be 140 characters long on Twitter. When I have an urge to post some of my creative writing, I post them on a site called Quotev; I have been recognized on there for my stories, but not by a lot of viewers. I do not post videos on Youtube, but I am an avid user. I tend to look for photos on Pinterest that would inspire me to draw. Now, I believe I just told you my cyber life, but not about how I connect with people. I’ll be honest; I don’t really talk to people online a lot. I’m the type that would rather be talked to first than start the conversation myself. The only people I talk to online on a daily basis are my two friends and my boyfriend. I am always on KIK with my boyfriend. Besides calling or seeing each other, I am always on KIK with my boyfriend. I rely a lot on online communication rather than the intimate communications. To my mom, that is bad.

Besides online communication, I am most comfortable with talking to people in person rather than on phone. It was during my summer job at my grandfather’s company where I had to manage the phone call orders that came in that I became more comfortable than usual with talking to people seriously on the phone. Being a fifteen year old and having to talk business with adults got me so scared at first – I was anxious of answering the phone as it began to ring – but after the following three days of work I became more confident with answering the phone calls. Speaking of phones, I’m very irresponsible with my own phone; I reply to text messages really late and tend to miss a lot of phone calls (but barely anyone calls me anyway; also, my phone is not a smart phone). My phone is just never really around me for me to check.

Nonetheless, I prefer talking to people face-to-face than anything else. I’d rather see my boyfriend in person than KIK him all evening. I’d rather be asked in person by my classmate about homework than on facebook. I’d rather talk to my grandparents at the dinner table in their cozy home in Boston than Skype them while I’m in Saipan. I’d rather talk to God in person than send him prayers that are not instantly replied to.

 Although I am terribly shy, I enjoy talking to people. I enjoy listening to what a person has to say. I enjoy watching the expressions on a person’s face and assuming their emotion by the tone of their voice. I'd rather listen to what people have to say than say what I have to say most of the time. I believe the advancement of technology is killing the intimate relationships we can have with other people. I wish I knew how to drive already so I can see the people I want to see. I wish I had money to buy a plane ticket to talk to the relatives I want to talk to. As for now I have the internet to help me with connecting with those I deem worthwhile to chat with. 

Living in one city or Constantly Travelling?

It is better to live in one city or town than to move from one place to another. Do you agree or disagree. Do you agree or disagree?

I have lived in one “city”/”town” since birth. I have never moved to a different house. I've been in the same village on Saipan all my life. I have never lived in a different home for a year, only for a few weeks. I do not know what it is like to continue moving from one place to another. I wish I did know. However, I would prefer (hence, I agree with) living in one town instead.

I believe I’m a homebody. I like staying in the comfort of my own home. It’s not like I don’t like going out and hanging out with people, playing volleyball or soccer with a couple of friends, swimming in the beach or at the water park, or visiting a library or the mall or something. I love doing those things. Perhaps if I was in a new area I would do all those things to get myself familiar with the place. But honestly, I like knowing that I could go to a home that is not going anywhere. A home that has its own definite position. Whether it be a closet of an apartment or a glorious mansion. I’d rather be in one home.

One time my mom suggested moving to Hawaii during my middle school years. One thing for sure, I was nervous about the idea. The last time I had been to Hawaii was when I was one year old. I also didn’t know anyone personally in Hawaii. I was afraid I wouldn’t make any friends; I was also afraid of losing the close friends I had already for years. My mom enjoyed the thought though; I could tell. But to my gladness, we didn’t move to Hawaii. My grandfather needed her here on Saipan to run the boating business, and my mom couldn’t abandon that. I always thought about what my life would’ve been like if we did pursue that move. Would I actually have friends? Would I be happier in Hawaii? How would my sister react to moving? Would my dad still be with us?

I guess you can say that I have a fear of moving to places I am not familiar with. I’d rather stay in the place I have been since birth. (Such a conservative perspective, right?) But there will come a time that I will leave Saipan. I will leave the two story home I have memorized so well. I will miss the island I have come to love. But I honestly believe that when you stay in a place for so long, you begin to become numb to the beauty that already surrounds you. You’ll want to move from where you have been for so long.

I prefer to stay in a town than rather travel constantly. I’d rather settle down completely rather than be indecisive about the roof that covers my head. Sadly there will be a time I will pack up my bags and move. To another place to settle down again.

List the 10 precepts (or quotes) that you live by

Since Day 1, my mom has raised me on certain strict rules that become my own personal laws that I have memorized and wish to teach and pass onto my kids as well. Thanks to the strictest school on this island, CCA had taught me to memorize the Ten Commandments by heart (kind of) and have taught me certain things to do and not do “if you want to be a mature lady.” The list would be terribly long if I took the time to sit back and think about how many times I was scolded not to do this or how to do what. But I do have ten precepts or mini laws that I keep in my heart, in my journal, etc. and hopefully for the rest of my life.

1. Don’t raise your voice. Improve your argument.”

I have only raised my voice against my mom twice. The first time was in the car about something I do not remember, perhaps something about my father having left, but it made me feel superior over her for once that she had nothing to say in return. The second time was when I was in the kitchen I think getting ice for a drink, and my mother continued bantering in such an annoying way that I couldn’t stop the anger that was rising in my stomach that I yelled at her to shut up. My Ate (pronounced AH teh), my house keeper since I was months old, snapped at me to not yell at her, and after that my shame swallowed me whole. I have forced myself to never yell again at an adult. The only person I consider an exception is my father. I’d rather talk things out with a person and voice “my argument” rather than raise my voice against an adult or someone I love or know and embarrass myself in the process.

2. “If you pray hard enough for something you want, like money or a Mustang, your prayer will come true.” – my history teacher in MBA

I believe in praying. I believe in praying when you have nothing else you could possibly do but pray for the goodness of God (or the gods, whatever) to shine on your situation. I believe in praying before bed. I believe for praying for giving thanks for good weather or good health. And when my history teacher said that, I believed him.  There’s a verse about that in the Bible: “ask and it shall be given.” I believe that what you really want is what you really want, and you work really hard and pray every single morning and night and Sunday, God will grant you your prayer.

3.  Do not cuss.

This is one precept I try ever so hard not to break, but I’ve noticed that I’m breaking it too much as I am surrounded by people who cuss more than necessary. I just do not like cussing. I find it unattractive when I do it. I do not care when someone cusses; I just want to whip myself whenever I utter a four-letter word. What’s even worse is when I don’t feel guilty after saying it. I do not like cussing, and I wish to never cuss. There are better words in the English language than the ones I accidentally use. 

4.  Make new friends.

I always want to make new friends. I always want to meet new people and learn who they are and what they want to be and what they have to offer to the world. Everyone has something to say, and I’d want to be that friend that would hear the out any time of the day.

5. Don’t do stupid things I would regret.

As simple as that. I do not like making a fool out of myself when I make a mistake or over exaggerate a situation, so I try to be as low key as possible sometimes as well.

6. “Do to others as you would have them do to you.” – Luke 6:31

My mom always paraphrased this verse when she lectured me about behaving around my fellow classmates. Or around people in general. It’s a verse that everyone knows really. It’s something an atheist would understand. So if my children become atheists, I’ll paraphrase this verse and their agnostic hearts won’t be offended.

7. "Words are used to express, not impress.” – my grandpa

The rhyme was what made it stick in my head the second I heard it from my grandpa when he told it to my cousin. My cousin was trying to impress Grandpa by using big words to describe his story. My grandpa simply stopped him and told him this quote and I silently agreed. I intend to not use words to impress people with my vocabulary, but to use my vocabulary to express my mind thoroughly. Also, my resolution is to improve my vocabulary, so I can have the knowledge and familiarity to use those impressive words.

8. Be friendly to other people. Regularly and spontaneously.

9. Read. 

I love reading. I want to read at least one book of each genre. I just love books

10. Keep God in my heart forever.

 I think I’ll be ridiculed for stating that, but one thing for sure is I don’t care one bit about being ridiculed. I’m proud for loving, worshipping, and praying to someone that no one can prove to exist. I was convinced by my elementary teachers and high school teachers that God and Jesus Christ and the Holy Spirit are potentially real. It’s not like they forced me to believe in Him. It was my choice. I chose to believe in such a religion. I had classmates who didn’t believe in God. I do not know this religion so well, even after studying it for a majority of my precollege life, but I plan to surround myself with those of Christian influence. I’ll continue to pray. I’ll still ravel at the sight of nature and how He created everything I see, touch, hear, feel, and taste in utmost perfection. I do believe He lives. I do believe in a Holy Spirit dwelling in me. Although I do not go to church every Sunday or read His Word every morning and night, I honestly should. I’m definitely not the best Christian. I do hope I will become one soon.

Definition of Happiness

I have heard a lot of people who are asked what kind of life or relationship they want; a majority of people say, “I want a happy life” and “I just want to be in a happy relationship with my boyfriend/girlfriend.” My history teacher once confronted us about this statement. He said, “So let’s say you reached that goal of a happy future,” he paused for the dramatic effect.

“Then what?”


Saying that I was surprised would be an understatement. I have always heard and read the sentence “I just want to be happy.” And my “ever so wise” history teacher changed my perspective of happiness with such a simple interrogative sentence. He was right though, I have to admit. Just saying you want be happy in life is not good enough. You’re being a wimp and wasting your life and breathe by saying it.

 A lot of people want to be happy, but happiness is not a goal. Happiness is not something you can set as a goal. You cannot pray for happiness. Happiness can’t be your finish line in life. Happiness is not tangible; well, of course not, it is an emotion. But, you see, happiness is a result.

 I honestly believe that happiness is what you make of it. You have to do something in order to obtain that happiness. Doing something that you enjoy is what happiness is. Listen to your favorite song on repeat all Saturday afternoon. Go outside and kick a soccer ball or play ball at the court. If you enjoy reading, download the novel you cannot wait to be shipped here and read until you finish the last sentence. If you enjoy hanging out with your friends – and your friends enjoy hanging out with you – call them up right now and say you’re heading over there to spend the night. If dancing in the dark with the bass blaring is what satisfies your heart, then put on your tight mini dress or adorn yourself you’re your favorite shirt and dance the night away.

I’ll admit, I am an optimistic person. When the giants of Sadness, Depression, and Anxiety come alone and step on my back and break my spine, I fall apart. I do not like sadness or pessimism; sadness is a bacteria that my immune system has a hard time removing from my system. I rely on optimism. I breathe happy things. I always want to be happy! One time my mom bought me a pack of sticky notes for no apparent reason, but my reaction to her small gift surprised her. I was flipping through the yellow paper and thanked her multiple times. She said, “Doesn’t take much to make you happy, huh.” I guess it really doesn’t take a lot to please me. Objects shaped like hearts, good morning messages from the boyfriend, 100% charged electronics, and pomegranate vitamin water make me happy. I’m happy at the end of the day when I volunteer to do cleanups on the island. I feel ecstatic when Savannah and I do a flawless duo performance in NFL. Staying up late until 4 in the morning with my two best friends and peering through gritty eyes and sipping flat soda is what I live for.

Happiness is undefinable. The difficulty of defining happiness is as easy as defining life and beauty and death. Everyone has their own definition of happiness. Mine is what you do that makes your heart race and your mouth smiling from ear to ear and what makes you sigh with relief and nod your head to the beat. I have weird, simple things that make me happy; I enjoy things that you would find very boring. But I am me and you are you. 

What is that makes you happy though?

Which book benefited you the most and how?

One of the first stores I look forward to shopping in when I go off island is Barnes & Noble. Yes, a book store. I get excited when I step into this store and am flanked by rows and rows and piles and piles of books. Books that I would never read. Books with beautiful covers. Books I have already bought but am proud to see on the shelves. And books that tempt me by their names and descriptions. Saipan is not blessed with this franchise; I do hope there would be a store established here soon.

When I was in Guam last summer, I visited one of the malls that had B&N.  It took me a while to find the store, but when I found it – on the second floor at the opposite end of the mall – I had to withhold myself from sprinting to the store. Instead, I merely quickened my walking pace to its doors, leaving my family behind. My eyes and smile grew wide as I tiptoed past its doors and neared the aisles. I could here my mom, sister, and cousin walking up behind me with their colorful plastic and paper shopping bags crinkling against each other. I couldn't contain myself when I walked throughout the store; I must've inspected the place at least twice around before I actually started looking at titles and peeling the books from their place on the shelves. I'd open a book for a few seconds then place it back and start on a new one. My mom was yelling at us to hurry up; she doesn't have the patience to be in a book store. As I looked through the books, I looked at the prices also. I began to frown as I noticed the books I wanted were nearly $20, an amount I didn't have in my wallet after shopping for hours for clothes. My cousin already chose the books she wanted and brought them to the cash register. “Choose one already,” my mom said. I am very indecisive.

As I sorted through a shelf I had passed three times, I came to a complete stop when I saw the title and cover page of The Book Thief by Markus Zusak. I stared at the book for a couple seconds. It felt like it was pulling me toward its spine to pull it out and inspect its contents. It was a thick book but paperback; its font size was pretty small, but that rarely bothers me. After fanning through its pages, I doubted buying it because of its price. But when my mom saw me intently inspecting a book, she insisted I buy it. This book attracted me to it with its title; its description got me even more curious. This book should be good, I thought.

Being a slow reader, I finished the 400 paged book in a month. Zusak's writing had me stunned. I have never read a book about the German lifestyle when the Nazis ruled. But after reading this book, I was enlightened about the life a German suffered during the World War. Death and Poverty spared no one. Everyone was affected by Hitler's reign. Liesel's suffering, determination, love for words and learning, and love for her family, Rudy, and Max touched my heart.  His choice of Death being the main speaker was clever. My idea of death has changed also. I would have never imagined Death being the narrator.

The book emotionally stunned me. The tone and layout of the book was unlike my usual perspective of novels. Although it is considered a book of the 5^th grade level, it made me feel like I read the Bible and had been revealed God’s secrets. Exaggeration? Yes. Inspired? Definitely.

Looks vs. Ideas

A person's looks or clothing is more important than having good ideas to succeed. Do you agree or disagree?

So that which is outside matters more than what is inside? Of course not! The angle you turn your fedora or the jeans you fashion yourself with is not more important than what you have to say or do to actually make a change for yourself and the people around you and even the world! The clothes you wear will wither. Your skin will not appear tan forever. Your clothes will tear and rot of moth balls. Your skin will become wrinkly. But your contribution to curing cancer will last longer than your leather Louviton bag.

If your opinions and ideas were a physical object, they will appear as perfect as the most beautiful gem ever cut and fashioned on a ring or necklace. It glistens when you cast light upon it. That gem makes all your girl friends jealous of your wealth. You awe the people that feast their eyes on the gem decorating your finger or chest. But right now, you cannot see that gem. It is not cut yet. It is not polished. Right now it is surrounded by an ugly dark rock that represents your face, your body, your clothes, everything. There is a slit in the rock that you can peer through to see the glistening gem. Right now, your appearance is the rock. Yet behind your makeup and smirk and Gucci bag and Vera Wang dress is this beautiful green, purple, blue, red, or even clear gem that is dying to be polished and shown. Beneath your skin is this beautifully enriched idea that is begging to be shared to the world. But how can you get to that gem? How can you get to that idea? Well, you must polish the rock clean of its dirt. You must get rid of the stereotype that your appearance means more than what is inside of you. That will take time. And loads of patience. It will take a lengthy time to polish that gem clear from its blemish of dark stone – or blemish of gaudy dresses and tuxes.

Everyone has a gem inside them. Some have a collection of gems. Some have small ones the size of a number 2 pencil's eraser; some have big ones the size of a baseball. Some do not know how to polish their gem. Some people take decades to polish the gem of its impurities.

So what looks better? The rock or the gem? Your clothes or your idea? Your conscience or your curves?

I swear, people are more beautiful on the inside – behind all that skin and leather and makeup. I've looked at people much too much and have only look, yet when I converse and ponder about the reasons for their action, I am awed and actually ashamed for holding a different perspective of them. Your appearance is nothing compared to what is inside of you. Absolutely nothing, my dear. Okay, some people will be prettier and bulkier in rock size. They will be bristly whilst you are ever so dull on the surface. But you possibly can have the bigger gem beneath. Once cracked and revealed, you will appear more perfect as a diamond.

Your thoughts and opinions and ideas matter more, sweetheart. You have a gem for a heart. Shine it and make it known instead of your appearance.

Three Qualities of True Friends

I swear, I learned this in Bible last year, but I don't remember it! There are exactly three terms defining true friendship. I don't remember. It's written somewhere in a thick notebook in my desk somewhere. However, I do have my own personal definition of true friends since I have some of my own. I have two (scratch that- three) true friends that I would die for any second. Those three have proven themselves worthy and loving; I'm blessed to be considered a true friend of their own. They do actually have a few qualities common amongst them.

I know for sure that they love me unconditionally, and I do in return. Masami and Savannah are one the of the greatest people I have ever met in the whole world. The three of us have been through thick and thin; we have spilled out our pasts and have seen both the good and bad of each other. We have crept out on Masami's rooftop late at night and tell each other stories and laugh at the jokes and complain of the cold wind. We've seen each other cry after a loved one's death or heartbreak. We make pacts for each other to keep – eat only one chip at a time from the bag at all times, swear never to shave our legs until we are in college (Masami couldn't keep that promise), and promise to never change our ways when we enter MBA (I promised to not change when I come to SIS). This intimate relationship and constant interaction has brought us closer than we could have ever imagined. We have a strong bond, and I believe that has led us to love each other no matter what. I love them, oh, so much. True friends love each other no matter what the situation.

True friends are loyal. As I am in a new school and both my buds are in a different school, my loyalty to them and their loyalty to me will be tested. You see, we are a trio. Right now there is an open spot for whoever want to be apart of that trio. They can easily fill in the void and replace me. I fear that'll happen someday; I could possibly make them both mad and they'd never want to see me again. Easy way to get myself excommunicated... I'm praying that will never happen. I've made friends in SIS; my classmates are beyond amazing – no lie. Yet I still have my heart where the other two are at. I tend to choose those two over my boyfriend sometimes! Our omnipotent bond keeps our friendship intact; our love results in our everlasting loyalty. Even if we do go to different colleges in the next year to come, I will still be loyal to them. I do believe they will be too.

Lastly, true friends are honest, sometimes brutally and painfully honest, but you are not a true friend if you do not love them enough to even tell the truth. Masami and Savannah have been honest in many things I've done. Even if they joke around about it, I take it personally and try to change my ways to become, well, better. When I was younger, I tended to speak Japanese for no apparent reason. I'll react to something then all of a sudden say a Japanese word, which will sometimes irritate them. They joked about it a couple times to me, and I got offended and vowed to hold my tongue of it foreignness. There are other example, but I cannot bring my brain to think of any. So yes, they are honest with me. Oh! Like with types of clothes or answers to homework and such. They build and improve me. I cannot ask for anything more.

Greatest Strength of a Human

The strongest trait each and every human being contains in his soul is his cruel iniquity. And yes, I mean evil thoughts, desires, emotions, and actions. I believe that every human being is bad before and after birth. Even before you were thought of and conceived, you were an evil being. Now I'm not meaning you looked like an ugly, red, horned fetus with coarse black evilness running through your veins. That's disgusting :( What I mean is that your soul contained pure iniquity; however, you can always be redeemed of that. I'm not going to preach to you, my dear readers. My point being is that with evil being the foundation of your entirety, that evil will result in your future actions and words. If you have an evil heart and mind, evil words and actions will spill out between your lips and emit from your fingertips.

Look around you, and you will see normal looking people. No one looks outlandishly vicious: red horns, black cap, awkward villain costume, etc. They all smile differently; their tone changes when a certain topic is brought up. (I do not know the statistic of who in your class will grow up to kill a person, but I will be surprised if not one of my classmates become criminals in jail or even dead.) But I doubt any of my classmates desire to control the world. They're not super villains. Yet they are evil at heart. We are bad people inside.

I believe that I am evil, yet I try every single day to not fulfill my evil heart's desires and become good and righteous in the eyes of my Father. I do make mistakes, more than I should. I choose to cuss and hit people less; I was raised to not to do; also I feel guilty when I do so.

What I also believe is a strong human characteristic against all beings on this planet and even the universe is human intelligence. Human intuition and opinion enables us to surpass the personality of animals and insects. We can coherently and verbally argue; we can use our thumbs for a variety of hand gestures and actions; we can write; we are capable of communicating opinions and ideas; we can build cities and empires. Don't think them animals can do that! Human intelligence gives us an advantage of being most superior – and most reckless.

So I believe iniquity is the greatest trait of all, and our most advantageous is our intelligence. We are a blessed race. I do wish people could realize that!

Big School or Small School?

I have never had the experience of attending a big school. The private schools on this island are not that large in campus size, and I've only been to relatively small private schools. My last school – Marianas Baptist Academy – was pretty much one to two acres, including the basketball/volleyball court! It would've taken less than a minute to get to my next class. I am a student of small schools. 

However, SIS is a medium sized school actually – definitely not small, but long in length to make you semi-tired of walking on the sidewalk to the next building. Its size makes a big difference to my schedule; you have to strategically plan out when and where to walk because you can easily waste time in taking the long way. Need to go the restroom? You have to consider which one is closer to use. Need to go to your locker, which is in the back of the high school building, and you are in the second floor of the middle school building for chemistry and only have about two minutes before the teacher locks you out of class? You pray before you sprint or pray that you don't need to use your chem book in class. I honestly like SIS's size. Walking is good for you; you wake up a bit before going to class, and we have the opportunity of walking outside in the fresh air, which I highly admire; you lose a handful of calories also – bonus!

I believe small schools are better, for they result in closer relationships between the teachers and students and the headmaster/principal.  Also the students will be more acquainted with other students. Just like in a small town is as a small school, you know everyone. In a bigger school, however, there are a lot more faces to memorize and acquaint and watch out for. In a bigger school, there are larger halls that cram in hurrying students who would not care about you or your belongs. Bigger schools have a greater responsibility on their students and might possibly have stricter rules than a smaller school.Your relations with people is also lower. The following picture holds statistic about smaller schools versus big schools. 

Having been to small schools for a majority of my educative years, I am a fan of small schools. When I go to college, I will be highly overwhelmed than when I was shopping at a Ross or WallMart. I mean, I'll be living at college; there will be people that do no and might never know me, or even Saipan for that matter; I will have a hard time walking to all my classes and then finally my dorm - but more calories burned! I will have a variety of friends of different race and personality - another bonus. There are some disadvantages to both school sizes, and I'm excited to experience a big school. I imagine feeling more "grown up" and responsible than at a small school. 

What are things that I would teach and not teach my children? How would my children do differently?

Like any other proud child, I believe my mom is the best example of a parent. Her ways of raising her three beautifully luscious black haired children – my brother, sister, and I – have resulted in beautiful hearted people, growing to be respectable Saipan and American citizens. Okay, we are not perfect results of my mother's parenting, but my mom did do a pretty darn good job raising us! I pray so hard that I'd be able to raise my future child/children in the same manner as my mom had. I would also fix the flaws of my mother's parenting; I will, oh so, hopefully improve her process, because my mom did have a few imperfections.

(Dad is out of the picture. He's off where he actually wants to be.)

First and foremost, I'd raise my child through a Christian perspective. I'd teach him really young about certain stories in the Bible, verses to memorize by heart, and prayers to repeat before you sleep and eat. I would not express any profanity in front of my child, neither should my husband. I'll teach them proper table etiquette. I will want them to learn how to either dance, play an instrument or sport, sing, draw, paint, etc. because a skill like that is necessary. I want them to also develop a love for reading books! Reading is most important!

I want them to talk to me or their father bout anything: their school problems, relationship problems, spiritual problems, etc. I want to create a friendship type relationship of insulting (okay, not like super insulting but like “oh, you butthead” kind of joke) and inside jokes, but I will turn on “mother mode” and be loving and caring when the time is needed. I will allow my son to have a girlfriend, but he must introduce her to me and his father after the second date! Yeah, second date!  I will refrain from raising my voice against them, for it had resulted in a limited relationship with my mom. I will only raise my voice when needed (over loud noise or being intentionally ignored). I am not going to be a overly strict nun-like mother, but, hey, I'll be stern to an extent. By showing this type of attitude, I hope my children will learn to create a friendship-like parenthood for my grandchildren!

I will not teach my child about general immoral things until he's like 11. Somewhere around that age. I do hope that he would not know what they are until he is that age. I do hope he would ask me questions about anything he did not understand. If I ever say, "I'll tell you when you're older," I'd better right down that question and get back to him when he is appropriately older!

This is a preview of my parenting style. I'll hope to become a parent someday. I love love love children. Having a child of my own will be a dream come true. I do hope that my child will be raised in the same loving and maturing style as I was too! I better learn from my mother quick!

Should SIS have uniforms or not?

I am against the thought of SIS having uniforms - I do hope you agree - for understandable reasons. This school is not religious at all, and the uniform will not match the "style" and philosophy of this school. I have been to two religious school that required a strict uniform and dress code, and through my experience I am positive that this school will not match with a uniform.

The purpose of uniforms in religious schools, in my opinion, are to unite the students and appear organized and professional, to teach students to wear appropriate attire, and to keep students from comparing each other's appearances with their clothes. (There are other reasons; I do wished I'd be informed.) The uniforms I have worn had been knee to shin-length skirts, collared blouses, and even a vest. No cleavage was to ever be shown. Arms were to be covered at a certain length. If any skirt came above the knee (mostly if you got caught with a high skirt), you'll need to pull it down to the length it should be if you rolled it at the waist or you must get a new skirt. The clothing you wore to PE had to have no words, and your shorts must come to the knee. Outrageous, right! Now, I've been following those rules for 11 years (k-5 until sophomore year), and it has become my habit to dress conservatively. I have nothing against it, although I become terribly irritable when the sun shone too bright. 

I admit it; I was afraid to coming to a private school without uniforms. What would I wear everyday?! Would I have enough clothes?? What do normal people wear on the first day of school?? But after a while, I'm used to this school's lack of uniforms. I also noticed that this school shouldn't have uniforms. Honestly, the people here are to unique to have uniforms. So, yeah, what makes them so unique? I don't know exactly, but imagining these people wearing uniforms everyday will be depressing. Yes, depressing! The students here do not like the idea of uniforms, and enforcing such a decree will bring much sadness, despair, and a lot of pouting.

Also, uniforms are expensive! This school's tuition is high enough already, but including another fee on uniforms will be another burden on parents who pay twice the amount for two children. Unhappiness will be wrought throughout the student body, and unhappiness will be formed by the parents because their children are unhappy and because their wallets will be lighter. It is a lose-lose situation.

I have nothing against uniforms, but I'm actually glad I don't have to wear uniforms to school everyday. I'm ever so comfortable by wearing jeans and an over-sized jacket to school on A days and casual PE clothes on B days. I do love skirts, but I can wear skirts that are my preferred length and desired color on any desired day. No uniforms is a luxury!

I do wish this school had a limited dress code. Some things are not to be worn to school. I do not care what you wear, but there are things to be worn to different locations.

SIS should not have uniforms, but a stricter dress code. :) 

If I could bring back one person from the dead, who would he/she be and what would I serve him/her for dinner?

Having mulled over this question for a few minutes, I’ve considered Job, a historical and Biblical figure who has a story of life-changing and struggling experiences make us complainers look pathetic. Although I would look like the most dreadful female alive because of his completely different cultural perspective of women, I hope he would put aside his point of views and share his past experiences and thoughts of how he survived those experiences.

I believe the first question I’d like to ask him is how he enjoys their afterlife. I understand he is in Heaven. Well, at least something like that. If he is told beforehand (before being resuscitated back to life to converse with yours truly) to be discreet about the details of God’s Home, then I’d understand his caution. However, I still want to know! I want to know if he really went to Abraham’s bosom just like Lazarus. I want to know if he saw the golden roads and received his rewarding crowns. I want to hear his description of God and Jesus. I want to know how it felt after taking that last breathe and closing your eyes forever.

I’d like to hear his side of the story of when all his wealth and family were taken away from him. I want to ask why he truly continued trusting God. For those who do not know Job’s story, it can be plainly put that Job suffered. Yes, this man suffered in every way possible. This wealthy, pious, and innocent man lost his wealth of livestock and property was taken away by bandits or destroyed by natural disasters. His children were killed. He was plagued with excruciatingly painful sores that covered his entire body. This was purposely to prove how much faith he had in God. Yes, it is an unusual way to prove such an emotion, but that is what Satan does. Satan wanted to disprove God’s servant because he likes to be naughty. Sorry, Satan. You lost that challenge. Throughout all those struggles, Job’s faith did not falter. He did mourn and suffer every day, but his love for God grew even more. He knew God will provide his wealth and health to its utmost normalcy. I really want to know Job’s secret in that.

I do have my temptations and stressful moments, but they are not as severe as Job’s struggles. I’d want to talk to Job personally. Get some advice from this wise and experienced man. It’ll be great to walk with him down a park and show him the earth and its people had changed. He’d be shocked for sure! We could compare the past and present, his culture and my culture, and his life and my life to be. I'd ask him about God again. I'm very curious about Him. 

And for dinner, I’d ask him what his favorite dish. I’ll have it specially and perfectly prepared in his honor. Even if it would be something I would not want to eat, I’ll pretend I enjoy it and continue to listen to all the knowledge he would willingly share. It’ll be a fascinating experience to dine with his hero! I do hope it is not something raw… I won’t have fun eating that!

Computer Games: Good or Bad?

Playing computer games is a waste of time and should not be allowed. Do you agree or disagree?

Well, computer games are not necessarily a waste of time. If you are playing dota instead of working on your research paper, then you are wasting your time doing something that you are not supposed to be doing. However, I believe computer games are educative and informative. "Oh, but there's blood and violence when you play video games." Okay, you are right, but there are some computer games that educate you about the types of guns to use at the right time and strategies to play to defeat your opponent. I've also noticed that computer games give you the sense of escape from your problems. (Am I right or just blabbering nonsense, guys?) Playing makes you concentrate on the game and relieve you of your stress by focusing on something else. Your decision making skills are improved, says one site about video games. Computer games are global also. You can converse with other players around the world and share your experience and play along with them. You can make friends with a player in the UK or in Japan. Isn't that cool??? Computer games are not only educative and emotionally relieving but social and interactive with personalities around the world.

I have nothing against computer games. My brother and his wife and my boyfriend are avid computer video gamers. They encourage playing too! Just recently, my brother and his wife invited me, my sister, and cousin to a game night/sleepover. We had homemade burritos for dinner and ate chips by the jumbo bag while we played multiplayer games on the Wii and PS3. The living room table was littered with juice boxes and varieties of chips and brownie crumbs. If encouraged, video games can be a family activity. Depending on the game, of course. You don’t want to play LoL with your mom. (Or do you?) My boyfriend is very considerate about his computer game hours also, so I’m blessed (<3). He must really like me if he replies to my KIK messages less than 30 seconds after it is sent while he is playing grand theft auto. He plays when he’s bored and pauses when I talk. (Isn’t that even nicer!?)

Computer games shouldn’t be banned. There are multiple benefits to video games! (click this ) Now I’m not saying there aren’t bad things about video games. There are some games that are violent and too mature for some gamers. Also, too much of anything is bad for you. So take a break from your COD and get a drink or use the restroom or walk for a couple minutes. Your performance could possibly improve after refreshing yourself! If you are an elder or are too stubborn to realize that there can be psychological benefits to video games, then you need to do your research and accept the fact that technology is gradually taking over every nation’s culture. There are too many people who enjoy video games, so not allowing video games could affect a majority of people around the world who use video games as habitual stress reliever.